Summary- Jasper reading your diary, but a specific page catches his eye. A letter you never gave to Abby Griffin
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-to Abby Griffin
"It was all downhill after we landed on the wrong mountain, after our group went off into the woods, after Octavia almost got killed, after Jasper got speared. After everything.
Especially after I heard Jasper tell Octavia he loved her. We'd been dating since we were fourteen, and he did that shit?
I cried for hours, I took some of those stupid nuts and got really high, like really high. Drunk too. I confronted him about it while I was in that state, I almost threw something at him.
Went fucking mental.
I didn't eat for days, even during the war with the grounders I was a damned skeleton. Could barely fight, sent to medical five times.
Then, mount weather happened. We got back together, after he found out Octavia was with Lincoln. I couldn't tell if it was purely out of pity, or he still loved me.
But... he met Maya. Then, I teamed up with Clarke, surprisingly we ended up having an affair in a back closet (sorry about screwing your daughter by the way). And I stayed with her, until she proposed the idea of opening the vents.
"No-no you can't, you can't kill these innocent people!" No matter how hard I begged for her to stop. She never did. Through all that time, the only reason I didn't want her to do that.. was because of Jasper.
He looked so happy, happier than he ever looked with me, and I could never take that away from him. I love him too much to do that.
Throughout the time spent with Maya, he barely acknowledged me, it was torture.
We were together for a two weeks before he met her. I kept pacing the hallways, thinking to myself 'what does he see in her?'.
I now know what he saw. She was kind, she was smart, she was brave, she was beautiful... Maya wasn't a jealous person who only wanted him to herself. Unlike me.
Of course I think I'm quite beautiful myself like she was, but I'm so possessive, Jasper would repeatedly tell me that he loved my jealousy, as it proved I loved him.
But... I am not Maya. I could never replace her. But I could easily be replaced? When Clarke pulled the lever with Bellamy, I felt an immense guilt.
I'd worked with Clarke, would Jasper blame me? Would I be another option to him? Would he hate me? The answers the those questions were no, and yes.
He blamed me for a week, then once he realized I repelled the idea of opening the vents he let me back in. We got back together after he was done being controlled by A.L.I.E.
Jasper began to realize how much he missed me, even though he was "happy" whilst under control. I.. selfishly enough, wanted him to miss me. I wanted him to miss me so bad he couldn't stand it, I wanted him to not be able to sleep cause all he could think about was me.
And it was cruel to think like that, to even consider convincing him to get back together with me after all he'd been through.
As selfish as it was, I didn't do it, but he did. He came to my room, begging for me to take him back, that he was so sorry that he did that to me, and that he was an utter fool for pushing me away. Of course, I took him back.
Not before some major rough sex of course.
We'd quickly become skaikru's cutest couple once again. Jasper and I still had awful fights, that I'm sure everyone could hear. They definitely also heard our makeup sex though.
Now, I'll tell you how I went mental. Atleast that's what Murphy spread around. I began mercilessly killing. I did it willingly, I felt so angry. I got into nasty fights with everyone.
Always over something stupid, but I'm not sure what it was about, it feels so long ago. I pulled a knife on her. "Are you gonna do something motherfucker?" "Yeah, cmon! I'll fucking cut your tits off and shove them down your throat! "
I couldn't control myself. Infront of everyone. I pulled a knife on Raven, infront of Jasper, Octavia, Clarke, Murphy, Finn. The list goes on.
I cut my hair in a panic state, I cut it mid neck length. With crappy ass scissors that barely did anything. I cried for hours, hours that are unimaginable. I missed many shifts for it.
"Why are you with me Y/n?" I paused, unable to answer for a moment, "cause I love you." "You shouldn't love me." "I can't help it."
Jasper and I, are an enigma. I wish... we were better for eachother. But, maybe in another life we'd be perfect for eachother.
Before I go with Octavia, I'd like to apologize formally to you Dr Griffin. For you to have go put up with all my trauma, all of my pain, everything that I told you about, you will die with. You cannot tell a soul about what we've spoken about.
I want you to make sure Jasper goes with Monty, but I will stay here, and pay for all the murders, all the torturing, all the pain I've cause people, solely cause I couldn't deal with rejection.
Tell Monty to tell Jasper I love him. With all my heart and soul. If we ever meet again, and I seem.. "different" just know you had it better.
I'll survive, I am a nightblood after all.
-Y/n L/n"
"Wow, I've read her diary like fifty times Monty. I'll never figure out what she meant by "I'm a nightblood"." Jasper paused. He'd read this letter six times for this past year.
To commemorate Y/n's memory. He guessed it helped him cope. But finally they were going back to the ground, although it was still uninhabitable. Not entirely dangerous though.
Jasper thought he'd never find her, after all these years, he thought she'd be dead. He eventually got over it, even having a small relationship with Raven. They didn't last but five months.
"You actually only read it six times this year." Yes, it took him six years to open your precious tote and read your diary.
"Whatever, I'm just confused about what she means." He set her diary down gently. As to not damage it. "Well, is she's down there, you might have an answer."
Jasper scoffed at the thought of anything surviving down there, but he had a glimmer of hope, he had this underlying feeling that she was okay. That she- survived.
Yet, in all this madness, he could only hope for her to be down there as their ship landed. All Jasper could do was pray, to what? He didn't know, but he prayed for her to be there.
And once he sees her, they'll love eachother like they never did before. Monty and Jasper will see Octavia again, and they'll see Y/n.
