Bring The Heat

35. Are You In Good Health? (GOJS ARC 6)

Ben chuckled dejectedly.

"Yeah... no. We're waiting out the night, let's hole up here. And besides, you're in no moving condition. I'm not carrying you everywhere... why aren't you fixing yourself up?"

Robin slid back down to the floor, pouting.

"I can't... something's up with my ability. It's weak. It's pissing me the hell off!"

Her frustrated outburst fizzled out quickly back into despondency, and she flung her limbs lazily over the floor. Ben sighed.

"Well," he asked reluctantly, "how are you doing? Physically, mentally... yknow, other than being hung up on Wren."

Robin sat up, and tucked her hair behind her ear nervously.

"Well... I don't know... what's it to you, anyway?" she answered defensively.

"Because power's linked to your body and mind, dumbass. I thought you were meant to be the smart one?"

"Yeah, I am, asshole. I just meant why would I talk to you about it? I mean... you don't even like me, at all."

Ben put his head in his hands.

"Look, this isn't a fucking therapy session, I just don't wanna be carrying around dead weight. And besides, I like most people. You're just an asshole."

"Fuck you!" Robin exclaimed in a hateful outburst, getting up and storming out of the room.

Ben cursed under his breath and got up to follow her. He found her in the next room over, perched on a rotting windowsill and peeking through the blinds. Ben leaned against the doorway.

"Look... I didn't mean that. I just want to get out of here, ok?"

Robin stayed silent. Ben noticed her blood-soaked jeans.

"And besides... that wound could use a little attention, huh? Some of the ol' Doc Lewis treatment!" he continued sympathetically. He didn't know why he made that weird ass joke, he wasn't very experienced with sincerity.

"It's Robin."

"Who?"

"My first name. It's Robin."

Ben just stood there, confused as Robin silently stared out into the inky darkness of the night.

"So...why'd you introduce yourself as Lewis?"

"Robin's a name I have to earn."

"Uh, as far as I know, you don't have to earn your name. You just kinda get it."

"Not when you're like me."

There was a silence in the room, somewhat melancholy against the loud screeching and yelling of the rest of Jewel Street. Eventually, Robin turned to look at Ben.

"I... I miss her a lot. I came out here knowing it was a bad idea, and now I know it was an even worse one. I didn't even get to say... most of the things I felt. To anyone. I'm regretting that a lot."

Ben smiled sympathetically. It was hard not to feel strangely protective of her...

"Look, I'll get you home. Mission's off... we know everything we gotta know already, that Twig's a murderous asshole we gotta stay away from. So let's just go home, ok?"

Robin smiled back.

"Thanks... I didn't want to be the one to say it."

Ben laughed, and took a seat on the windowsill next to her.

"Now come on... what's up with you?" he inquired caringly. Robin sighed despondently and gazed out to the night again. It seemed to make it easier for her to open up.

"I just... it's not my first time working with BM. I was there during his first attempt at the compound... me, Rebound, and Cece. And it went... bad - for me, at least. I did something bad... and after that, I just had to get out of there. But the rest of the world wasn't any easier to be in. I couldn't just leave that part of me behind."

Ben heard this and felt a feeling of unity with her. For him, the compound was amazing, but... he was an outcast there. It didn't matter how friendly everyone was, how nice they were, he was always the guy in the room who'd killed multiple people. And maybe that wasn't something he should forgive himself for...

"And then I came back. I tried to deal with it in the usual way; just be an asshole to everyone, maybe that's all they'd think of me. But BM, Rebound, Cece - they just look at me and see exactly who I am. Maybe I don't want that... and Wren. She's so amazing, I... and I broke the first fucking promise I made her. I said I'd protect her, and I just left. I don't want to be haunted by who I was, but what if I still am that person?"

Ben put his arm on her shoulder reassuringly.

"Well, that 'being an asshole' thing worked on me," he joked, "but I was wrong, I guess. If you made a mistake, and you regret it, then I don't think you're that person anymore. I mean it's not like you're gonna do it again, right?"

Robin pushed down her tears. If only he knew...

"Every single day, I think about it... but no, I haven't done it again yet. I don't want to."

Ben nodded, pretending he understood her. It just seemed better not to ask.

Her eyes flicked over to look at him.

"Thanks, man. I don't know why I couldn't talk to anyone else about it..."

"Guess I'm just a good listener. Now cmon, let's go get some rest and see if your power's working tomorrow, ok? Then we'll get out of here."

Robin smiled and nodded in agreement. And so, the two found the least gross, decayed area of the floorboards they could, and laid there, side by side as they drifted off to sleep. Robin felt a strange warmness against the cold, and realized that it was the rare happiness inside of her. She felt like... like she was moving on, at least slightly. Something about missing the compound made her think about how maybe everyone there only opposed her because she was making them, and that they were friends, not enemies. She thought about how maybe those sorrowful looks from BM weren't embarrassment of his biggest mistake, but actually someone who cared about her being genuinely concerned for her... how maybe everything Rebound and Cece had said since she had returned were them telling her that they forgave her.

She had been so caught up in wondering if she could ever get everyone else's forgiveness that she was only now realizing that she had it, and was herself the one who needed to catch up.

Robin smiled softly and drowsily. Tomorrow, she'd heal herself, go get Mint, and the three of them would go home. And then everything she'd been holding in, she could say. She could tell BM, Rebound, Cece, all about how much she cared about them. And maybe...

Maybe she could tell Wren that she liked her, too.