Bring The Heat

63. The Way It Happens (CB ARC 12)

Wren laid her aching head on the cold, hard floor of the medbay, sprawled out across it apathetically. Her eyes were getting less sore as time went on, and after a short rest, but it didn't matter to her. Her body, and the things around it, she couldn't feel them. She was lost in her mind again.

BM had been laid on the medical bed to give him some more comfort recovering from his injuries. Lazily, weakly, he rolled his head over to look at Wren.

"Hey," he called out, being met with indifference as Wren just kept staring at the ceiling, "Wren."

"What?"

"I've been too caught up in my own mind lately, but I guess I don't have that right now. I was meaning to ask how you were adjusting to the compound since you joined us."

Wren's eyes flicked down, but just for a second.

"I'm fine. Rebound and Cece are nice. Tenson's cool too. I liked Robin, and I guess I miss her and AR. I don't really know Nicki."

"And Dominic?"

Upon hearing this, Wren fell silent. She... she really didn't know, in all honesty. Even if she had moved on, he was her first hate, and she had felt it so strongly. It's hard to forget feelings.

But on the other hand, he felt like the only one who understood her. They weren't particularly close, but sometimes it felt like she and her other friends were just on different planes of reality, and she would always be looking up to talk to them. With Dominic, it wasn't like that. It felt more like looking straight ahead. So now she had two conflicting feelings on the matter...

"I don't know. I don't know, is that ok? Do I have to know? I barely know fucking anything! Why is everything so complicated all the time?"

"Hey, hey, calm down. Look, I understand that completely. I'm sorry, but it's just the way it happens. Life was always going to be a difficult adjustment for you, and you're still so early on in your progress. Time is the best treatment for this, but... for now, is something specific bothering you?"

Wren took a deep, shaky inhale.

"I feel so stupid and selfish for it! Every day, someone tells me about something that didn't happen now, that I wasn't there for. Sometimes they don't even need to say anything, I can just look at them and see their past in them. And... and I don't have that. I never had a family, I haven't been shaped by anything, and I have to watch these people around my age have so much already. I really did lose the first 16 years of my life."

"And I hate this feeling," she continued, "because I hate being so jealous. Sometimes I even get jealous of the bad things, just because they're something at all. Like, I know they're awful things to have happened, but I'd take that over nothing! At least, I think... I probably only think that because I never had to go through it."

Wren groaned, putting a hand over her watering eyes, before continuing further.

"The other day. I broke down in front of Tenson cos a character in a movie had a 'Sweet Sixteen'. I want one of those... I guess I'll never have one. I don't wanna be sad all the time, but I keep crying cos I keep being sad anyway. And even that feels selfish... how can I feel so sad and lonely when I'm surrounded by so many nice people? I have so many different feelings, and they all feel awful."

A sorrowful silence hung between the two for a few seconds, before BM spoke up.

"Wren... you've lost so much. I'm so, so sorry. I want to give you a chance to catch up with yourself... these people who are after you, I'm going to find them, and I'm going to deal with them. But I swear it, you are such a beautiful, youthful soul. Whatever you believe you've missed is in there, that lovely little mind of yours. You can find it, and see it. I know I can. Your past isn't something you need to know; you have now, and right now you are incredible."

Wren smiled melancholically, tears rolling down her cheeks.

"I wish... I wish I felt that way too. I still feel so far away from everything I do, like I'm just watching through my eyes. I think... I think I need to find my past, even if it doesn't mean a thing, because it was more of me, and I need more of me because I don't have enough right now. I want to search for what I was, but I don't have anywhere to start..."

BM closed his eyes and thought deeply about this. With only a few words, he could change Wren's life entirely. He knew who she was - but she wasn't that person anymore, now that she'd been given a second chance at life. If she found out, who knew what she'd do with herself...

But that wasn't his choice. If she wanted to know who she was, that was up to her. A secret kept by everyone except the one who deserved to know... how was she meant to grow when she was being alienated from her friends and herself? But he couldn't just tell her, especially not now... as she said, she just wanted a starting point.

So maybe the words that came out of his mouth were just down to the fact that he wasn't in his right mind right now, maybe it was stupid, maybe it would cause bad things to happen later on... but who knew? Not knowing the consequences of actions like this, BM felt so natural for the first time in a long time. Despite the confusion and clouded judgement, he had never said anything with such a clear mind.

"Wren Harley."

Wren's attention snapped over to him suddenly.

"What?"

"Wren Harley. That's your name, your full name."

"What!?"

Wren looked down at her hands, shocked, before a big, uncontrollable grin spread across her face.

"Wren Harley..." she muttered to herself. That was HER name! She loved it, it must've been the nicest thing she'd ever heard. That was HER name!

But then, a small bit of clarity quickly followed by confusion reached her mind.

"How did you know that?" she asked, "How did you know my name?"

BM stared up at the ceiling. He wasn't sure how much to say, but he didn't regret telling Wren her name. He hoped she could find some peace and sense of identity in it, exactly what she was after.

"BM?" she continued, "BM!?"

But no response. Silently, she laid back down on the floor of the medbay. What was BM hiding? But something felt different - she now had herself to stick to, to have her own back. Wren decided that no matter what, she'd find out who she was. For her.

For Wren Harley.