Bring The Heat

41. Back Home (GOJS ARC 12)

Mint paced impatiently back and forth near the front door of the building, waiting as the sun was just beginning to fall towards the horizon. Further in, Robin and Ben sat on the floor in a hallway, across from each other, in silence.

"So, what is it with you and Wren?" Ben piped up, breaking the silence suddenly and intensely. "Sorry," he continued more softly, "I don't mean to grill you or anything. I just gotta know - you two are banging, right?"

Robin's eyes widened as she became flustered, but held her reaction down expertly.

"What? No... but I think... there might be a possibility."

"A 'possibility'?" Ben responded sarcastically.

"Yeah, I just mean that I'm into her and she MIGHT be into me. A POSSIBILITY that she is. Alright?"

"Hey, come on, I'm messing with ya. But I think you're trying too hard to make this one of you science things. All statistics n' shit... when we get back, you gonna ask her out?"

"No... definitely not. She seemed pretty mad at me when I left. And y'know, she was right... I guess I'll have to apologize first."

Ben laughed.

"Since when did you care if someone was mad at you? You musta really got it bad for her." He joked. Robin was not amused.

"Look, asshole, I'm nice, alright? I've just..." she trailed off for a second, before continuing, "I've come to understand that if you don't have your own back, you're gonna get hurt."

Ben stared at her considerately. This was the first time he'd seen her be truly open... even when she was opening up before, she was still so defensive.

"Yeah, I get that." Ben said, matching her mood, "And you feel like she's got your back too?"

"I know it's a little dumb... I mostly take care of her, to be honest. But I think she'd stick up for me, and protect me too, if I needed it."

"Do you need it?" Ben asked insightfully.

Robin just sighed and shrugged in response.

"Look, your defense mechanism doesn't really do you any favours there. Try be a little more human with everyone! Everyone back at the compound is good people. They'll have your back if you're a little nicer to them."

Robin continued to be unresponsive.

"And hey. I don't know if I've proved myself, or whatever dumbass hoops Wren happened to jump through for you, but you got me, ok?"

Robin looked up at him slowly, and responded at last.

"I tried to kill myself before I left the compound." she said, seemingly emotionlessly, but obviously not. Ben froze a little, so she continued, "It was why I left.  Before that, bad stuff had happened, and everyone just looked at me with hate, or disappointment, or-" she thought about the look Rebound used to give her, and furrowed her brow, "or just sympathy. That was the worst. And y'know, I was overwhelmed with work, and it was all just so much, so I tried to kill myself, and I nearly did, but the doctors saved me. The whole ordeal created a lot of issues with BM and the compound, and everyone somehow just gave me those same looks, but even stronger, so I left. I packed my shit and walked away. I lived alone for a bit, but then BM came and got me. I went back, you wanna know why?"

Ben just stared at her with mixed feelings, not knowing what to say, so she answered herself.

"Because being away from the compound was somehow even worse." As she said it, Robin laughed at how absurdly grim the whole thing had seemed.

Hesitantly, Ben replied;

"I get that. I think. I mean, I get missing your tortures, not the suicide thing. I'm, uh, really sorry about all that, but I'm sure you've heard that a lot."

Robin looked up at him, and gave him a strange sort of smile.

"Did you miss this place?" she asked.

"Not so much as I felt weird anywhere else. Don't get me wrong, the compound was great, but... I don't think it's meant for people like me. On my first day, I noticed what you're talking about. They gave me weird looks, which made sense, cos I was some big, gruff, street guy. But the feeling of them all looking at me like that never went away."

"Yeah..." Robin replied appreciatively, "you get it."

The two sat in silence for a bit, before Robin felt compelled to say something.

"Hey, I'm really glad I came here. I mean, I'm not, but I'm glad I got to talk to you like this. You're... not as bad as I thought you would be."

"I don't think many people are." Ben responded. He meant it genuinely, but Robin laughed.

"Probably not," she said, "but I've been thinking of loosening up a little bit when I get back. It would be nice to just be happy again... or something like that. I think everyone who was there's moved past it... except for Cece."

"That'd be cool." Ben agreed, before continuing after that last bit hit his brain, "Hey, what happened there? It's just that Cece seems really nice, and I can't imagine what would make her so angry. I mean, if you're comfortable sharing, but we are kinda on a roll here."

Robin smiled.

"We are... what the hell, why not?" she reasoned with herself, "I dated Rebound. He liked me a lot... I didn't really like either of us. I treated him bad, I just wanted to feel pretty and loved, so I used him for that. And when he started to try stand up for himself, I broke his heart. I was... really mean about it. He didn't deserve it... he's a really sweet guy when you get to know him. I mean, he's already forgiven me, I don't even think he was ever even mad at me... I hate that. I still feel like I'm manipulating him, I just want him to hate me. But Cece's protective of him, so she kinda hated me through the whole thing, but a lot more after that. I tried my best to distance myself from it. I even call myself a lesbian, even though I'm probably more bi, just because I don't want to think I could ever do it to him again, but... it still followed me everywhere."

Ben nodded awkwardly, and replied, once again, hesitantly;

"I think I know what you mean. It was a kinda similar thing with me and Mint... not dating, of course, that'd be weird. But she was a real good friend, and I was in a bad place, so I used her to try and get something I needed. She left to let me know that she couldn't support that side of me, but I know she never blamed me... I didn't deserve that kindness from her. But I think the best thing you can do there is move on, especially if they already have."

Robin chuckled softly, and looked at the ground.

"Yeah... you're probably right. Hell, you're not the first person to tell me that! And... Mint's pretty cool, huh? I'm not surprised she didn't hold it against you."

"Yeah, she's great. She took me in when I was just a kid... and y'know, she's always been a-" Ben stopped to think about what he was about to say, and quickly corrected himself, "she just loves to take care of people."