The Runt of the Litter

For Want of Love

Note: if i told you i'm sleep deprived and depressed, would you forgive the impromptu hiatus? 

fr you guys, im sorry. i don't mean to keep disappearing. tbh my brain sucks, and i keep losing all will to write or even exist. i did manage to write this, though, and it got the juices flowing (which sounds so gross, like who made that saying)

hopefully i'll be back with more stories for you sooner than later.

in the meantime, i hope you're all getting enough sleep and being gentle with yourselves. it's fucking rough out there

this one is for @Mmiller13 who i appreciate so much. 

anna is eighteen

For Want of Love

"NYU letters are in today," Kate said nonchalantly over a grilled cheese sandwich.

It was Thursday night and Kate's mom was working late, which meant Kate was allowed to stay the night at the bunker.

Anna's eyebrows went up. "You must be nervous," she said. "Not that you need to be. But, like, you're you. So you're probably nervous."

Kate gave her a faint smile. "I already opened the email," she said and wasted no time building suspense. "I got in. I just wanted to see if you did too."

Anna gave her friend a simple fist bump and grinned. "Who's the smartest bitch?" she goaded, but Kate didn't answer, just smiled sideways. "It's you," Anna clarified and snorted when Kate did. "For real, though, I'm glad you got in. Even if you did go and pick a dream school that's, like, forever away." She picked at the crust on her own sandwich.

She hadn't slept well the previous night and was feeling it throughout her body. Currently, she was nauseous and didn't want to chance eating a buttery grilled cheese.

"So, did you?"

Anna quirked an eyebrow and tilted her head sideways. "Did I what?"

"Get in," Kate finished. "To NYU."

Anna shrugged. "I dunno. I haven't checked."

"Well, check."

The eagerness in Kate's voice made Anna feel wary. They'd talked a couple times about Anna's post-secondary plans, and she was pretty sure Kate was going to respect her choice to pursue hunting instead of higher ed. But sometimes there was this edge of disappointment in her friend's voice when they talked about college. There was a lot Kate wasn't saying to her, things that had really already been said in one way or another.

"I just wanna know," Kate said. "Sorry, I didn't mean to be pushy."

"It's fine," Anna waved her off. She pulled her phone out and put in the passcode. "Ha!" she exclaimed. "Ethan just sent me this meme-"

"Anna, you're stalling."

"I'm not stalling," Anna said indignantly. "I got distracted. There's a major difference. Stalling implies I have a stake in the results of this stupid letter. I have no stake in this."

Kate sighed, and Anna caught a whiff of that familiar disappointment on her breath.

She swallowed, feeling a strange sense of shame well up in her stomach. She opened her school email and scrolled half a page down before she saw something from the NYU Admissions Office. Tapping on it before she had time to start feeling like it mattered, Anna groaned. "It's gonna make me open a link," she complained.

For some reason, that made Kate laugh. "Dude, come on," she snorted.

Anna made a let's get a move on gesture with one hand as the web page loaded very slowly on her phone screen. When it popped up, there was yet another prompt to tap a button in order to see her letter.