The Runt of the Litter

Suddenly You're Older

Note: hey babes <3 i didn't forget, though i know i usually post a lot earlier

i hope you're all doing amazing, and thank you so much for existing and for being a bunch of cool kids (of various ages). i appreciate you all 

i'm kind of on a sam kick rn so here's something experimental i cooked up for you guys. a lovely reader told me they like when i experiment with different writing styles. hopefully this isn't a flop lol or you'll be changing your mind

ages are kinda mentioned as you go, so just read closely if you want to know ig

Suddenly You're Older

It goes like this:

Dad calls Dean and orders him to drive the both of you to Maine. Camden, Maine to be exact.

You get there the next afternoon, and Dad tells you he spent the night with this lady back in January. January, and it's now August. You know before he admits to it that there's a terrifying reason he's telling you this.

Dad screwed a woman who looked an awful lot like Mom back in January. And suddenly you're older than someone. Because said lady is pregnant. Due in late October.

Dean is quiet beside you, his hand still on your shoulder. And Dad is looking between the two of you like he expects you to throw punches.

But you're older now. And you don't know what an older sibling does unless it's what Dean does. So, you game plan.

"Are we... Are you gonna raise 'em?" you ask, guiltily scared at the thought. Because suddenly you're older, and you don't know how to be. And if being older means being Dean, you are positively screwed.

"I don't know," Dad admits.

That's the end of it. But you know already. You know you're going to have a little sibling, and you're going to be more responsible for them than Dad. You know Dean's going to raise another kid just as you were finally becoming old enough to take care of yourself. Just as he would have been free.

You feign sleep that night while Dean goes outside to talk to Dad. And you game plan.

Because suddenly you're older, and Dad's still just as angry as he was 15 years ago, and Dean deserves a break even if he'd never ask for it. Older by a whole lifetime.

And whoever this kid is, you know you're gonna screw them up. You know Dad is gonna screw them up. You know Dean is gonna kill himself trying not to screw them up.

So you feign sleep, and you listen to the wordless murmur of voices, and you pretend you're still younger. Because for now, you get that luxury.

()()()

October 17, 1998

Sam was still holding the baby when Dad came downstairs. He looked up with a question in his eyes, but Dad was looking at Dean. So Sam looked at Dean too and saw that his brother understood whatever had just happened with Chloe.

Dean laid a hand on Dad's shoulder for a second in silence. Then he turned to Sam, and smiled broadly. "Guess we're gonna find out if I know how to hitch up a carseat." He crouched for a minute in front of Sam and their new sister, and there was a tenderness in his eyes when he looked at the baby. "You okay with her, Sammy?"

Sam bit the inside of his cheek to keep from correcting his brother. He wasn't the youngest anymore, so the nicknames could stop now. "I got her," he replied and glanced shyly toward their father. "Is she coming?" he asked Dean, watching John rub a hand tiredly down his face.

"No, Sam, she's not coming." Dean sounded tired too despite his efforts to hide it. None of them had slept much last night.

It was strange, the disappointment Sam felt at those words. Maybe it was the hand Chloe had touched his shoulder with so gently last night. Or maybe it was the fact he was holding a baby girl, and their family was about as traditionally masculine as it got. Maybe it was even the idea he'd had yesterday that he and Dean wouldn't have to take care of this baby all by themselves.