chapter 7

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Spending the night home all alone wasn't as good as Taehyun thought it would be

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Spending the night home all alone wasn't as good as Taehyun thought it would be. It was sad and monotonous, just him listening to the ticking of the clock on the wall while he sat in front of the TV and kept drinking the liquor as if it was the only solution to his problems. That's how Yeonjun acted every time something bothered him, right? He went out to drink and maybe even fuck someone until the morning so that he could go back to being depressed and alone. Maybe there was really something in alcohol that could bring him relief and make him forget his problems at least for a while, so Taehyun kept drinking in hopes of finding that something and he couldn't even realize when he lost track of his shots or when his head started spinning due to dizziness.

It felt like alcohol was only making everything worse; it made him feel more numb than he already was. Maybe it was because he had no one to talk to, no one who'd listen to him if he got drunk enough to spill his darkest secrets and worries. No one he could rely on. So he kept drinking, not caring about what he did anymore. His fingers moved over the glass and the sound of the TV filled up the room along with the soft music coming from his phone and the occasional sniffle which escaped his nose. If anything, the music was probably helping him think less than he usually did, so he couldn't realize when he fell to sleep on the couch after the bottle of whiskey had been drained and left him to drift away into dreamland.

He woke up on his own the following morning with a deadly hangover, his eyes were swollen and his mouth was still salty from the taste of alcohol in his mouth. Everything was exactly like how he had fallen asleep, so he figured Yeonjun still mustn't have come back which didn't make him feel any better at all. The same pang of jealousy was eating away at his insides.

He slowly pushed himself off the couch and barely made his way to his room with occasional groans escaping his lips, wanting to take a quick shower and clean himself as he was feeling extremely dirty.

He tidied up the whole living room after he was done, then got ready, so he could go to the university as he was having a lecture at pm even though he didn't feel like going at all.

He couldn't focus on his lecture at all, too distracted by thoughts of Yeonjun leaving late the previous night and never returning home. It felt like everything around him was fading from his view as his mind began wandering in dark circles, hoping that Yeonjun wasn't actually cheating on him even though they were only officially engaged. But why would he? Was Taehyun that bad? Was he such an awful person that Yeonjun would do this to him?

Taehyun had been tense and uneasy all day as he was trying to hide from Soobin and his friend Huening Kai, so he wouldn't have to explain to them why he was avoiding them. Even though he was still thinking that Yeonjun was just overreacting about Soobin, he wanted to show Yeonjun that he trusted him more than Soobin or anyone else, so he wouldn't irritate him. They were having quite enough problems without throwing more accusations and doubts at each other.

Despite looking fine from the outside, Taehyun was exhausted from everything that had ever happened in his life. It felt like his heart was being squeezed tightly and he wanted to collapse in some corner and cry his eyes out in pain. There was so much he had been suppressing inside of him for years now, so he had no idea how to deal with it or who to share it with as he had no one at all. Sometimes he couldn't even realize just how lonely he was, so it was easy to pretend nothing was wrong but in reality, he needed a friend to confide in and tell him they loved him. But Yeonjun was definitely not that friend, not with the distance they both kept between themselves.

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