Never Have I Ever

• Chapter Twenty- Three •

I acted normal.

Well, if being the Thanos of gay virginities was normal. Jay, Faiyaz, and Eric. All I needed was two more and then the LGBT avengers would come for my ass. I laughed at myself even though none of this shit was funny.

Eric was serious about getting to know me this time. Not even on a surface level either. He wanted to know about my family, how I grew up, and shit. It was kind of scary, but nice at the same time. I don't know. It was some deep shit to be in, but I think, as long as I don't say shit and Eric definitely won't say shit, I should be cool.

I doubt he wants to come out the closet anyway. I knew how this shit went, I've been through the closeted football player thing before. I mean, we hadn't talked about it. We were too busy doing other shit with our mouths.

Technically, I was single. It's just being around Faiyaz so much was making it really fucking hard to remember that shit. He loves to live in my fucking skin. Except, now he was ignoring me for not coming to see after chilling with Eric. The guilt was starting to seep in a little bit. But, so what I didn't come see him that day?

I tried to be patient and I let him cool down, but four days wasn't about to turn into five, so I found myself knocking on his door.

I heard shuffling on the other side then the door flew open. Faiyaz looked disheveled in a not typical Faiyaz fashion. His hair was getting longer and was sticking up in different direction. Also, he was shirtless. His eyes widened in realization then he threw his body into mine. His arms circled around my waist.

"I missed you."

I hugged him and pushed us back into the room, "Then why you been ignoring me?" He didn't let me go even when I sat on the bed. No, he just got comfortable on my lap, moving his arms from my waist to my neck.

"I just wanted to see if you would come see...And you did." Faiyaz sounded so happy and that guilty feeling came crawling back. I didn't have shit to feel guilty for. I'm going to keep telling myself that, because it was true. I'm single!

I coughed into my hand, "I literally texted you that I was too tired. Why even get mad at that?"

"I don't know."

"Stop playing, Fai, you know."

He huffed and removed himself from my lap, choosing to stand between my legs instead, "I just got in my own head. Paranoid, I guess. Felt like I was getting ghosted, you know."

No, I actually didn't know how he could even feel like that. Feeling ghosted because I hung with a friend for a couple hours?

I narrowed my eyes, "It was literally one day. It's not like we see each other everyday anyway. I don't trip when you hang with your friends."

"My friends aren't—Look," He paused, bringing his hands to his face then dropping them again, "I just like you okay. Like a lot."

"Okay?" I was even more confused, "Was it because I was high?" 

Faiyaz snorted and tilted his head to the right, "Do you like me?"

I rolled my eyes, "Faiyaz, get the fuck," I grabbed his hips and kissed his stomach right above his belly button, "You know I like you."

"Ok..." He let out a deep breath, "So are we dating?"

I shrugged my shoulders. I ain't give answer because...Shit, I don't have one. The only 'date' we've been on was to The Crill, did that count? Other then that we've just been chilling on campus.

"I want to. I want us to be together."

I groaned and threw myself back, "You know I just got out of relationship...That I was in for years."

"In August, Gavin. It's October!" He crossed his arms and glared at me.

"So what? I was in love, Faiyaz, I came to Tillman heartbroken! I told you I wasn't jumping in another fucking relationship so why is we even having this conversation right now." I tried to reason. He said he understood. Two months wasn't a long fucking time.

"Because it's important!" He snapped, "I don't want you fucking anybody else," Faiyaz sighed and brushed his hands through his hair in frustration, "I gave you my virginity, Gavin." My eyes narrowed again. If he kept yelling at me like this, it's gone be a problem for real.

"Oh, my fucking god, yo. What happened to 'I'm taking what I want'? Huh?"

Faiyaz scoffed and moved to the other side of the room, " Fuck you, Gavin." He dropped his face into his hands. He's so fucking dramatic.

I rolled my eyes and stood up, "That's why we arguing right fucking now. I don't like this, Faiyaz, I don't. I don't like arguing and getting yelled at and shit. It ain't me." I stopped when we were chest to chest. I pulled his hands away from his face and my heart squeezed when I saw his eyes were watery.

"We don't have to fight if we just make it official."  He whispered and grabbed my face. I placed my hands overtop of his. He just had to make this hard. Why now? Why this conversation now, I didn't get it.

"I'm bout to leave," Even though I made no real motion to free myself. Faiyaz shut his eyes tightly and a tear fell.

I folded. Because of that fucking tear.

"Fuck. Okay, we can try it out." His eyes opened and before he got his hopes too high up, I continued, "I'm not saying we're together together, yet. But we'll get there." I touched my lips to his.

He didn't kiss me back at first, but then I felt his lips move against mine. That's when I felt it.

Sparks.