Never Have I Ever

•Chapter Thirty-Seven•

I stood outside Fai's door for like seven minutes. It felt like hours, though, realizing that I couldn't stand here for much longer because who knows what he what the fuck he was thinking. That I was still down there talking to Eric? That I left with him? Or that I never planned on coming back up in the first place?

Every excuse I tried formulating in my head quickly disappeared once I said that shit out loud and it wasn't nothing a person with common fucking sense would believe. Like what kinda excuses could really be said to him at this point? I wished I could blame Eric for all this shit and as much as I fucking wanted to, I was just as at fault. If anything, more. I had so many chances to fix this and I just didn't and now it was blowing up in my face.

And for real, he didn't deserve anything but the truth from me. I've lied to him enough for one lifetime.

I pressed my forehead against the door just breathing in and out, my self pity party coming to an end. Might as well get it the fuck over with. I couldn't prevent the inevitable I just had to get broken up with like a man.

Fai was laying on his bed, lazily like nothing had happened. He was no longer in his costume, instead he was shirtless and just wearing some plaid pajama pants. He didn't even look up at me when I stepped in the room. I expected that.

I just stood there not knowing where to go or what to do. The words 'I'm sorry' were on the tip of my tongue, yet it seemed almost like an insult to say them after everything he had just heard. Even though I was genuinely and sincerely sorry as fuck.

"Fai?" I said and he said nothing, "Are you going to look at me?" I had to break the silence, "Or say something?" I went and sat down in his desk chair. Sitting on his bed right now didn't really seem like the smartest option. Who would wanna be that close to the person that just fucked you over? I'm surprised he even told me to come up.

He eyes stayed glued to his cellphone, "And say what?"

I cursed silently when mine started to feel heavy in my pocket and the constant buzzing could be heard from both of us.

"Is that him?" He asked, flatly.

Of course it was. I didn't have to check to know that.

"I don't know. Probably?" Because the him in question has impeccable fucking timing.

I was met with more silence from him and just the hum from my phone. Then I couldn't take it anymore and just shut the whole phone off. But not before seeing that it actually wasn't Eric. It was actually like five back to back texts from Drea, asking if I had ever found Eric because he was looking for me.

I rubbed my hands down my face, "Are we...Breaking up?" My voice didn't even sound like mine. The words hurt to even say.

"No," He paused and all the tension left my shoulders. His eyes finally met mine and they were anything but forgiving, "When was the last time?"

"Huh?"

"When was the last time that you fucked him?" He said calmly but it felt like a slap to the face and for some reason I actually flinched.

My mind blanked.

"Faiyaz." I'm not answering that. It would only make shit worse, "Go head. That's too much."

He glared at me and I knew he wasn't gone let it go. Why the fuck would he even wanna know that? I coughed into my hand and dropped head into my hand, "Like two weeks ago, I think?"

He scoffed and I shrugged my shoulders because what the fuck? I just know that it was a minute.

Even completely sober I probably couldn't even answer this shit, "I don't fucking know, Fai." I groaned and leaned back in the chair, "I just know It was a while ago, aight."

"Was it before or after he sent you the dick pic?"

Now that I remembered, "Before. Definitely before that."

"Was it true what he said?" He closed his eyes and I watched his bottom lip tremble. Please don't cry. Not because of me, I wanted to say. It was like When Fai's eyelids lifted, they were a little wet, yet no tears fell. Is this what I looked like just months ago? I was watching myself through Jay's eyes.

He brushed his hair back from his face and pursed his lips, "That you're only with me because he didn't want to come out for you?" His voice cracked.

I crossed the room in an instant and knelt down by the side of the bed so we could be face to face. I can't believe I just got on my fucking knees for a man and it wasn't to give head. This shit is fucking crazy.

I grabbed his hands in mines and he avoided my eyes, "I'm sorry, Fai. I regret everything so much." I grabbed his chin and forced him to meet my gaze, "What he said was wrong, okay! It was always you. I'm sorry."

"I'm so fucking mad at you right now. This is  embarrassing. You lied to me for months! Gavin, months!" He leaped forward and threw his legs over the side, "But, If you think I'm gonna let one fucking boy come between what I have when I wanted you for so long then you're out of your mind."

His hands clasped around my neck as mine fell into his lap. He pulled me up to meet his lips. It was just a small peck, but it was a kiss I thought I'd never get again so it felt like Heaven. We pulled a part. I wanted more. I leaned up a little, but Fai leaned back. I looked at him confused as fuck. This was the part where we make up the right way, right?

He put his finger up to my lips and the urge to suck it was strong as fuck, so I did.

His breath hitched, and little moan slipped out, but that didn't stop him from continued what he had to say, "You can never talk to him again." He told me and I nodded my head.

Done. I already planned on it anyway and even if I hadn't, I'd still do whatever he wanted, as long as he wasn't done with me.

"And you're going to make it up me." He pulled his finger from my mouth, "Starting now."

I spent the whole night making it up to him.