Never Have I Ever

• Chapter Thirty-Two •

Eric got blacked out football laces on his bicep. It was actually a dope concept and I didn't expect him to walk out with something like that. I never expected to walk out with a nose ring, either, yet here we are. He walked out with his arm wrapped in plastic like he was on cloud fucking nine. Meanwhile my head was all over the place and my nose was throbbing like a bitch.

Trevor and Razor even sent us on our way with a print out instructions on how to take care of things. Turns out he was really twenty-nine and all that shit happened eight years ago. Eight fucking years ago, that's damn near a decade. I can't be wishing I had picked the right person eight years from now.

I gripped the Chipotle bag tight in my hand so I'd be ready to just hop out the car when he pulled up on campus. But when we got to the light he made a right turn instead.

"Where we going?" I asked even though I knew this way by heart now. Eric looked over at me with a wide grin.

"What you mean? Where else would we go?"

"I don't know." I shrugged, "But I can't. I gotta go take Fai his food." I lifted the bag up to show him. I don't know why, he watched me order it.

Eric sucked his teeth, "You acting like I don't got a fridge or something to put that shit in."

I leaned my head back against the headrest. I really just wasn't tryna go to this nigga's crib, "Nah, I just told him I would come over and shit."

"What?"

"What?" I asked back.

He looked at me confused, "When the fuck did you say that?"

"At the shop. He called me and you know, yeah." It was the truth at least.

I shot Fai text letting him know I got him Chipotle and I was on my way back. The three dots instantly came up and while I was waiting, from the corner of my eye I saw Eric reaching to grab at my hand, but I dodge his hand.

Eric looked over at me again. I could tell he was growing frustrated. Shit, that's what I was feeling so join the club.

"What's wrong, yo? I thought we was gone like smoke and chill and shit. Like we always do." He reached again.

I regretted the words soon as they left my mouth. "Oh, now you wanna hold—Nevermind."

He let out a loud groan and tightened his hand on the wheel, "I know this not about the hand holding shit."

I nodded with a laugh. His eyes were back on the road so I just glared at the side of his face, "See, yo. The fact that you know that's what I'm talking about let's me know you, you think you fucked up."

I slammed into the door when he all of a sudden swerved. He pulled off onto the nearest street and cut the engine off. I guess this was happening now. Fuck it.

He turned his body to face me. His eyebrows furrowed and his mouth was frowned up, "You're bugging, right now. Over little shit at that."

I sighed and combed my fingers through my hair. "You don't get it."

"No, you don't get it." 

"What the fuck don't I get? You're confusing as fuck, Eric. You don't care that Drea found out, but you almost tried to beat up Hudson because he saw us kiss and now you don't know if you wanna hold my hand or not."

"But I did!" He argued, "So what if I fucking let go. I grabbed it again didn't I? I told you I like you, the fuck. That ain't enough?"

"No. It's not and you only did it again after that nigga called me hot. What the fuck?"

Mentioning Trevor was clearly the wrong thing to because his hands came down hard on the steering wheel. I ain't flinch or nothing because I knew Eric wasn't on that type of time.

He pinched the bridge of his nose, "All because I don't wanna hold your fucking hand. I'm not in no fucking closet, Gavin. It just ain't anybody else's fucking business what we do. Shit! I gotta shout that shit out the window? Hold your hand and skip down the block and shit, I'm not doing it."

I ain't even have shit else to say to be honest. I ain't even ask for none of that shit, but he just wanna be disrespectful .

It sounds so stupid the more we said it out loud. But that shit meant something. Trevor wasn't anybody special. He was a nobody, a whole fucking stranger. What would Eric had done if it was somebody he knew from back home? Would I ever see his "back home" or anything else from his life. Did he even wanna see mine?

This was the fucking problem. Everything with Eric was just a big fucking question mark. With Fai, everything was straight.

"Nigga, you wanted to talk so talk!" He yelled. I tensed up. I ain't wanna talk about this no more, my mind was made up for real and he not gone keep yelling at me.

"Don't yell at me, for real. Take me back home. Right now." 

"No." He said with straight face and I looked at this nigga like he grew two heads. I must ain't hear him right.

"The fuck you mean no?"

"Because It sound like you wanna break up or something."

I laughed humorlessly. How the fuck could we break up? I voiced my thoughts out loud. "We can't break up, Eric. We're not together. I have..." I paused, "I have a boyfriend."

"Now you got a fucking boyfriend." He mocked. Eric folded his arms over his chest and tilted his head to the side. Then it was like his mood turned like a light switch.

He squinted and licked his lips, "You really like him more than you like me?"

I don't know.

"Yeah." I said anyway. I cursed myself when my voice falter a little and I could tell Eric ain't believe that shit because a sly smirk grew on his face. I didn't move away from his hand this time.

He slid his hand slowly to the back of my neck and pulled my face towards his. Our eyes never left each other's.

But before our lips actually met I whispered, "Anybody could see us." We in a a car, fishbowl. Nobody was outside, but that don't mean somebody couldn't walk past at any moment. We weren't that far from campus either, "What are we doing?"

He hesitated. His eyes casted behind me, he sighed and his breath hit my lips. That was enough to make me pull away.

"I'm not driving you back to campus." He turned back in seat and turned the car back on.

"I'll walk."