Never Have I Ever

• Chapter Twenty-Nine •

I was no better than Jay, really I wasn't. That's the conclusion I came to about three nights ago when I lied to Faiyaz's face and the worst thing about it was, the guilt was slowing going away. It's like I was becoming okay with going back and forth between them.

College was definitely changing me. I paced back and forth waiting for Eric to come after his practice, which would be anytime now. I didn't know what B he was going to say to me or what I was going to say to him really. We hadn't talked much since the whole "dick pic gate." It hurt to delete the picture, literally I think my soul cracked a little, but I couldn't have that come up again if Fai ever had my phone. There was no way I could explain my way out of keeping the picture.

Eric didn't bother knocking. I'm starting to notice people got a habit of just walking in my shit.

"What's up?" Eric said casually. He walked right past me and sat on my bed. His scent lingered and I breath it in deeply. He had just showered. In the same locker room we just fucked in.

I shook those thoughts away. That's not what I texting him to come over for. End things. It's the right thing to do...But, it felt so fucking wrong now that he was sitting in front me looking the way he does.

I looked at him incredulously, "Nigga. What's up? What's up is you almost got me in trouble."

I was shocked by my own words. That felt weird leaving my lips.

Eric shrugged his shoulder and looked at me, "Nigga, I ain't do shit. How you gone get in trouble with someone you not with, though, anyway?" I thought he was serious for a second before a smirk grew on his face.

"Stop playing." I sucked my teeth, "You ain't never send no shit like that before. Why the fuck you try that now?"

Another shrug, "Thought you needed something to jerk off to. I ain't mean to almost break up your little relationship." There was zero sincerity in that.

I opened my mouth to argue, but quickly shut it. Eric shot me a knowing look. Could I even say we weren't in a relationship. I knew we weren't, but it felt wrong to say so I didn't. Also, the way I almost shit myself at the thought of him really being done with me was a clear enough sign that I really like Fai, a lot more than I thought I did.

Eric stood up and walked in my face, "So that is your nigga?" His breath hit my lips and I had to use all the self control I had not to just slam our lips together so I could steal them.

I stared down at his lips so I didn't have to meet his eyes, "Do it matter?" It did, but not to Eric. He didn't seem like the guy to care about somebody else's relationship.

"Nah. I just thought I was." He pouted his lips at me, begging for a kiss.

"Eric, get the fuck. You're so full of shit." I pushed him back. He laughed as he stumbled back. He think everything a fucking game, "And who the fuck is Taylor?"

"Nobody." He said, "I made it up." I nodded.

Relief left my body with a sigh. I'm such a hypocrite.
Should I even him what Fai suspected? He took Hudson finding out well, but Faiyaz was a completely different ball game. I don't think he would ever do anything like that, but I thought the same of Drea and now I don't really know. It seems I don't know a fucking lot these days. My life used to be simple as fuck.

"Oh."

"Yeah, oh." He spat back, "What you call me over here for? To fuck or to talk about this shit."

I should've gave him an answer, but I didn't so we fell into an awkward silence that Eric broke, "Why you ain't come to my game, yet?" I scratched the back of my neck.

I chuckled and shook my head, "I thought we went over this." Eric yoked me up by my collar and once again, brought our faces close as fuck together.

"Tomorrow. You better be there and don't bring your boyfriend." He pushed my away from him. My knees bent on the Hudson's bed and I fell backwards, while Eric laughter followed him out the door.

When did Eric become so...The Eric I met in August would never say no shit like that. He left me even more confused and flustered.

And tomorrow came quicker than I wanted it to.

You think after dating a football player for two years I'd understand the game, but, nah. Not even a little bit.

I flinched in my seat after another round of cheers rang out and everybody jumped up, shouting. The stands were packed, shoulder to fucking shoulder, and literally every time we scored they did this. I rolled my eyes and tightened my jacket around me. It was getting cold as fuck. I ain't use to anything under seventy degrees.

"Man, where's your school spirit!? We're winning!" Hudson shouted into my ear. His smile was as wide as his face and he was decked head to our school colors, as was everybody else. He almost painted his face, but I made sure to put a stop to that shit. I wore a simple black tee and sweatpants. He pointed at the scoreboard. We were 30-20, the other team wasn't that far behind, but I doubt we'd blow at ten point lead.

I tried to keep track of Eric on the field, but it was hard. From this distance, I couldn't see their Jersey number and all these niggas look the same with helmets on. I knew where he was when they met in the center, because obviously he was the front man, but after that Eric just blended in. I just gave the fuck up and responded to Fai's text message. He asked me when the game was over and I honestly didn't fucking know.

I put my phone back in my pocket and leaned over into Hudson, "Where's Eric?" I asked.

"Jesus, Gavin! He's the one running after the one that has the fucking ball right now!" He yelled at me as if I was the dumbest person on the planet. I looked back at the field and furrowed my eyebrows. Literally all of them are running after the dude with the football! I'll keep all my questions to myself if this how he was gone act. Who knew he felt so strongly about football. I looked back at the board.

"Imma go get some nachos or something." Before it was officially halftime and everybody bombarded the  steps.

Hudson tugged at the end of my jacket, "Bring me some please, roomie!" I nodded. I don't know why Eric wanted me to come so bad. It ain't like we could talk and I wasn't having any fun here. We should've came with Amy and Drea, so I wouldn't have felt guilty for ditching Hudson. But since it's just us two I could do that shit, I wasn't that fucked up.

"One large nacho please." I told the girl behind the counter. I'd figure Hudson and I could just share, "And two cokes."

She smiled sweetly at me, "$18." Damn, expensive ass nachos. I handed her the bill with a frown and stepped off the side, where my food was already ready to be handed to me.

I kept my head straight walking back up the bleachers, "Yo, could you at least look you're happy to be here." Hudson said to me once I sat down. He wrapped his arm over my shoulders and pulled up closer together. I smiled at him, but still shook him off.

I shook my head, "I don't even wanna be here. I'm only here because Eric asked me to." I said honestly. I couldn't say much in public, but now that Hudson knew it made it easier to talk about.

Hudson smirked and took the chips from hands, "I'm sure he did." He snickered. Cheese was sliding out the side of his mouth. Nasty.

"Shut the fuck up."

"Are you going to meet up after game," He asked, "I'd like to know now if I'm gonna get ditched."

I chuckled at that. We probably would. I mean why else would he ask me to come to this shit.

"Yes, the fuck. I'll  be a gentleman and walk you home first."