Black Hole

I'm fine

I was thirteen when Danial told me that if I ever need to talk she would always be there, I smiled at her and said "thanks", and at that moment I wished that I didn't say that because she was just trying to look like a good person for her YouTube channel. Now here is one thing about me that I hate deeply, I'm an easy target, and I'm easily fooled and used. I was so hurt that my only friend would use me for popularity, so the next day when she asked if I'm ok I said that I'm fine with a faint smile to see if she would notice if I'm really ok or not, and she didn't notice at all. 

That hurt me deeply, exactly because we have been friends since we were eight years old. I kept on doing that for the next nine to ten weeks until I really wasn't ok, I was tired of pretending so I made it real. I wish I was a cold-hearted person so I won't hurt that easily. I cried alone in my room wishing someone could read me cause the shadow inside is growing bigger each day.

I can't count how many times I smiled while crying on the inside, I put on an act and pretend everything is okay when I'm dying inside and just want someone to hold me and be there. I wished that I hadn't pretended to be fine, cause I'm really not fine, If only I just said how I was really feeling then I wouldn't have to feel this pain. I couldn't breathe, my chest was clogged with pain. I didn't know what to do so I called for my dad, but as usual, he ignored me, I knocked on his door but there was no answer, the next I know I'm in the hospital with my dad by my side. He was talking to a doctor and telling him that our life at home was good, and I couldn't speak cause there were tubes in my mouth so I just cried, but when I cried my tears felt like they were burning my face. I screamed through the tubs and the doctor ran to me and took out the tubs from my mouth. My face was still burning from the tears.