Black Hole

Train Wreck

Not everyone can get back up when the train hits. They have been so strong throughout the fight that when the train comes, they don't see it coming, leaving a train wreck. I was labeled as a bully when I was being bullied but still, I was the bad guy. Some people get back up when they fall, I fall when I get back up. I'm just waiting for God's plan of redemption for this broken world. But for how long? How long do I have to wait for someone to come save me? I don't know how people get the strength back when they've been hit, but however they do it, they must be pretty proud of themselves.

I was alone once again. And I felt like I was falling into a big bad hole where the demon of darkness waits for me, again. It was back to the old ways. I would go to school and come back home and cry. But this time I would cut myself with a knife, which was not as painful as being hated for living. It feels as if pains my only home, I'm quiet and alone, I've learned to be alone, I failed to see all the mystery, quiet and unknown. It was as if anti-depression can't help me, I was numb, and my heart was turning cold. I would drink 'till I could feel nothing and gaze at the night sky as if Peter Pan would come out of know where and keep me company. 

"What happens when I die? Will people take their time shedding tears or did I waste all my years?" Ever since I started listening to Zevia, that line stuck in my mind like ducktape. At school, we had to make a poem about how we felt about ourselves. And I poured my feelings into that poem. As I was walking to the front of the class to say my poem, people shouted nasty comments which hurt really bad but I couldn't show it. I started my poem," I'm only seventeen and I feel like I'm dying, I hope I make it 'cause I'm really trying.                                                                     I try anti-depressions but they can't help me and I'm more than just depressed, but I'll never make a sound. I wish someone loved me enough to catch me when I fall and I'm tired of the world hating on me, but how can I blame them when rumors are all they know of me, then they think they know me, but damn they don't. The day I die will be the greatest night when I'm free. I've tried to stay alive, but I feel dead inside. I'm not suicidal, just not happy, but I'm not far from it" When I was finished, I looked around the class and everyone had sad, long faces. And my teacher was in tears.