A 17-year-old girl who is constantly in pain and betrayed by her one 'friend' and her father. Jinx has nothing to live for, will she ride or die? Pain is a part of her everyday life. Does she have the strength to push through it?
My head is a very dark place. I don't need therapy, I need a huge. It's hard getting back up when you feel constantly unwanted. I wish someone could come to save me from my mind. I'm not perfect I'm original. No one else has been through what I've been through. Sometimes all I do is smile, move on with my day, hold back my tears, and pretend I'm okay. It hurts a lot, but I'll keep it to myself so it doesn't hurt anyone else. It's hard to forget the past when it's written all over my body. I'm damaged but I'll never hurt someone the way I've been hurt. I suppose I love my scars, they've stayed with me longer than most people have. If they could read my mind, they'd be in tears. But I won't let them see how they hurt me just to make tears fall from their eyes. I rather hold it in. I'm somewhere between giving up and seeing how much I can take. I'm not okay but I smile anyways. It hurts but it's okay. I'm used to it.
I didn't want anyone to see that I was hurting so I kept it deep inside. I put on a smile for my friends and hope they don't notice that it's fake. I avoid everyone at home and I only cry when I'm in my room, just to keep them from asking if I'm okay."No matter how many times I cry tonight, I'll show up to school with a smile, and know body would know and know body would care." I would say to myself from crying and hurting my face. I used to think I would never find happiness, but now I know I won't. The scars all over my body represent all the times I choose physical pain over emotional damage. I thought I was happy when I get my best friend back but I was really just hiding the pain. Yes, I can protect myself from getting punched in the face but I can't protect myself from getting stabbed in the heart.
I like to put on a smile and hide the pain, just so that the people that hurt me don't see just how much it burned me inside. I wouldn't want them to feel guilty for causing so much hurt, I rather protect them from that pain. There's a voice in my head it says "Should I tell them I'm in pain? No, they'll just blame themselves and I don't want anyone to live with guilt." That's me going above and beyond my limits to protect the ones that caused me pain. I came home from my happy place, covered in blood, and that day I fought like I was at war. My whole body hurt from the fight but I was smiling at the sight of blood.
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