Father was officially a married man, and off on his honeymoon in the Cayman Islands. And had the house all to myself. It was lonely but nothing I wasn't used to. I couldn't brush off the feeling of a dark shadow following me. It was stuck on me. I was down the whole day but put on a smile for everyone. I didn't want the questions to come flying. School was a great escape. I could brush every feeling and I wouldn't feel the pain. It was as if the feeling faded away and I was just normal until I was alone. I would go to the lavatories at school and cry then wait for my face to look fine again, I would snap a rubber band on my wrist whenever I was stressed. I couldn't describe how I felt so instead I drank and smoked. Then I would scare myself as a reminder to hold the pain because no one will understand it. They don't hear my silence, why would they hear my cries?
I wasn't eating and that worried Daniel. Every time we would go out for food I would sit there and watch them eat and she would offer me some of her food but I rejected her every time. I thought of it as her way of winning me over and trying to get me to forgive her. The truth is that I did forgive her but I didn't want her or anyone to take advantage of me. I really wanted her to save me from myself but I just can't trust her. Feelings are fragile things. And I don't want mine to be tampered with. I didn't need anyone to tell me that they love me because they don't all they do is care and there is a big difference between love and care. Loving is the little things like being there and noticing. Caring is making sure you eat and are healthy. I've got a lot of caring people in my life but not one loving person.
I have no idea why I would choose to live in pain than let karma come to those who deserve it, but it just feels like the right thing to do. It's excruciating but it feels right. The mess that's in my mind destroys me but it will never break down my act. We don't fear our demons because we become friends with them. I have learned to grow with my pain and now were friends. My worst enemy is my mind. It can not be controlled. It's like a dark cloud filled with not rain but pain. And it releases that pain whenever it gets a chance. My mind is a rollercoaster it has no direction and all my thoughts are mixed. It's safe to say that all there is in there is confusion.
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Black Hole
Teen FictionA 17-year-old girl who is constantly in pain and betrayed by her one 'friend' and her father. Jinx has nothing to live for, will she ride or die? Pain is a part of her everyday life. Does she have the strength to push through it?
