The person he needed

chapter 10

1975
I have been talking to Will for a year so far. And he asked me to be his girlfriend. I said yes, but with a lot of thought and hesitance. Since the start of last school year. We haven't kissed, we have taken it extremely slow. Walking past in the corridors, we will exchange a smile. I think from last night that he does want to kiss me but i still feel that something isn't right when i am with him. He was awkward today though because of last night. But i understand why.

Last night, i went over to his house to study for an exam we had the next day. Maths wasn't my strong subject, but luckily it was Wills. He helped me with my maths and i helped him with his English. After about an hour, we just led on his bed listening to some record i had never heard of.

Some romantic song starts playing and he stares at me. I awkwardly turn to face him when i see him with his eyes closed. What is he doing? He leaned closer to me and pouted his lips. Oh no he wanted me to kiss him back. I didn't want to. It was too soon. I didn't want my first kiss to be wasted on someone i didn't know i liked. When his lips got to mine, i turned to the side so instead he kissed my cheek.

"I am really sorry. I just... i don't know it just... i'm just sorry." I moved uncomfortably on the bed waiting for a response. He looked awfully embarrassed.

"No don't worry i understand. I am sorry i tried to kiss you when you didn't want to." He gave me a reassuring smile and i gave him an uncomfortable one.

"I am so sorry. I am just not ready i guess. Your my first you know, so i think i want to wait until i am ready." I stood up from the bed and grabbed my books. "I am sorry again but i think im gonna go now just to save the awkwardness."

Then i left. Again.

He walked passed me, avoiding eye contact. I don't know what this means for us. He probably doesn't like me anymore. I feel bad but i would feel worse if i led him on and then broke up with him when we were getting serious.

I grabbed my lunch from the cafeteria, made my way over to our table. I sat down, sighed and slammed my tray down. I was upset and felt guilty.

"What's wrong Lucy?" Julia looked at me with a concerned face.

"I swerved Wills kiss." I put my head in my hands whilst they all subtly gasped.

"Was it on accident? Or did you just not want kiss him?"

"I don't know. It just felt wrong. I didn't want to force something if i didn't really like him. When he sat there i felt a guilt feeling and i didn't know why."

"Is there someone else you like?"

"No i don't think so."

"So, what are you going to do?"

"Well he has been avoiding me all day so i might have to go up to him after school to see what he is thinking about it. He may not want to be with me now." That thought for some reason didn't really bother me. We weren't in love. We were just talking.

I found Will after school and i went up to him. He quickly turned around and when he saw it was me his eyes quickly found the ground again.

"Hey Will."

"Um hey Lucy."

"Are you okay? You have been avoiding me all day."

"Yeah i'm fine i guess i just feel a bit embarrassed that's all."

"Again i am sorry. Can we just forget about it and carry on as we were?"

"Yeah okay." He smiled and gave me a hug. He pulled back and kissed the top of my head. "I'm sorry for rushing you."