Book of Yuktha and Indratan (AMS#3)
Yuktha:
An ever charming and ever-smiling person. A Gynecologist by profession and always wears her heart on her sleeve. Just like a saying- behind every smile, there is a story. She too has her own which she refu...
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I threw away the flower vase angrily before storming away from her sight. After leaving from there, I went into the balcony of my room and took deep breaths to calm myself down.
I wanted to shout my lungs out to release all my pent-up frustrations. Why couldn't she understand my efforts? Why couldn't she look past my words? Why was she doing all this to me? Why? Why? Why?
Thinking of all the recent happenings and her behavior, I dejectedly slumped down on the swing. Rubbing my face in exhaustion, I shifted my gaze up to the cloudless sky where the orange hues were vanishing and the brightness was disappearing, slowly getting replaced with the darkness of the night.
"Wasn't it how my life is?"
I smiled sardonically at the thought of it.
To be honest, I have imagined countless scenarios of us being together and weaved so many dreams in my head about us. I knew it was not possible between us from the beginning. I knew we were not meant to be together. I knew she would never place me in her heart.
Yet I was content as long as I could get a glimpse of her. I was happy just to see her from afar. My bickerings with her were the only pretense I could use to have an interaction with that head-strong lady. I didn't know when she became the rhythm of my heartbeat. I didn't know when she became such an important part of my life. She became an exception even when she went against my own dogmas.
I have to hate her for inflicting so much pain onto my heart yet here it is, still yearning for her, wanting to protect her from all the demons she was fighting over.
Even when I wanted to turn a blind eye, I couldn't, when I was aware of all her internal struggles, when I knew she wanted to trust me with her secrets but couldn't dare to do so. When I knew she wanted me to see her real self and something was stopping her from reaching out to me.
I knew it all, that's why I wanted to be a support for her. I wanted to be her strength but this was all my wishful thinking. She never actually needed me in her life. She never thought of me as a person to trust her life with me. She never chose me over someone.
This morning when I saw Ikshith at my doorstep, only I knew how panicked I was, internally. I was afraid that she would choose him over me again and she proved me right by going with him.
I guess I should stop when it was time to, otherwise the only one who was going to get hurt would be always me. I should shut my heart forever, so I didn't have to go through the same pain again
On another note, again amidst all this, it didn't go unnoticed by me how she looked so terrified when she saw him at our doorstep. The look on her face told me that she would have banged the door on his face to avoid a disaster if I wasn't there and I had a gut feeling that she went out with him to avoid him in spilling some darkest secrets.
