Press Release

2: Pressure Cooker

Pulling into the drive, I check my watch to see how much time I have to prepare before my bandmates pop over. Luckily, this is their month to "cook" so all I have to do is set the table and provide the alcohol. In no time, I'm showered and sliding into my favorite pair of jeans with my Dua Lipa t-shirt. Honestly, tonight is one of those evenings where I would prefer to climb into my private bubble and just chill, but Jeffrey says that I have to maintain my friendships. He threatens regularly to disown me if I become the recluse I'd like to be.

So I put on my game face and answer the door with a huge smile and hugs all around when my friends ring the bell. Playfully, I look around outside when they come in. Sarah smacks my shoulders, saying, "We promised. No dates for you tonight."

They've brought Indian food, and my stomach rumbles at the smell. While I enjoy a good tikka masala or korma, tonight I'm not in the mood for spicy. I settle for a samosa and some saag paneer, laughing at Mitch's understated humor and listening to Sarah's excitement about some new drumming equipment she's considering buying.

When dinner is over, Sarah sets her fork on her plate, and I know something is up. Usually, she hops up to clear the table before I can do it, so it's definitely unusual for her to just sit quietly. The pregnant pause that follows gives me the hint, and my head swivels back and forth between them as they look at each other, clearly uncomfortable with how to share their good news. Because they know me, they are aware that this news could sink me into despair again.

Being the gracious one, I decide to rescue them. Wiping my mouth, I exclaim, "It's about time I get to be godfather to a baby of yours!"

Startled, Mitch looks at me, and the slow smile spreads across his face. Sarah beams, placing her hands on her stomach, "You couldn't tell yet, right? Cause the baby bump is just starting a tiny bit."

I shake my head as I stand and move around the table to wrap my drummer in my arms, hugging her tightly.

"But how did you guess?" Mitch asked.

"Um....Sarah not having a beer at dinner was a pretty good clue, DAD," Releasing Sarah, I pull Mitch in for a hug, burying my head into his neck.

Of course I'm excited for my mates. It's great news for them! They've been together for 6 years, married for the last half of those. It was time for them to settle down and build their family. While Sarah helps me clear the table and clean the dishes, we chat about the baby and what this means for their future, including any tours I might invite them on. I assure them that we will cross that bridge when we come to it, but in the meantime, they should just enjoy the impending parenthood. And relish every moment together before that bundle of joy arrives for then their lives will no longer be their own.

"Damn," I sigh, as I'm saying goodnight to them at the door later.

"What?" Sarah asks, worried.

"Where the fuck am I going to add another godchild's tattooed name?" I look at my left arm, trying to find an open space.

We all laugh, and I make sure they are gone before I lean back on the door, tears in my eyes. It's nights like this that I usually pull out my memorabilia and take a walk along memory lane, but I don't have the strength tonight. Their news has taken the wind completely out of my sails.

In 9 months, their child will be three months old, and I'll turn 30. Never in the last 30 years did I ever picture myself reaching this milestone without a wife and children. Never. And yet here my birthday is, approaching faster than a speeding bullet, and no Mrs. Harry Styles in sight anywhere. And certainly no children on the horizon.....unless I impregnate someone tonight. I mull the thought for about 30 seconds, running through single female friends in my head. Truly, though, if any of them had been a good fit as the mother of my child, we would already be married with said offspring on the way or splashing right now in the pool out back.