Press Release

49: Hot Off the Press

My phone rings just as Minnie is trying to convince Titus to get in the bathtub.

"NO!" the three-year-old screams, and Minnie looks at me, bewildered.

Shrugging my shoulders and leaving her to deal with the situation (with only mild guilt), I answer the phone.

"Harry? Sorry to bother you, man. Meg thinks she's interested in our Advocacy Manager position. What do you think?" Xavier's voice comes over the phone filled with hope.

This makes me smile, "So she jumped at the opportunity, did she?" I ask. "I knew she would, but I didn't know it would be so soon."

"She doesn't believe me when I say the job is hers. Would you please tell her?" Xavier pleads.

I'm standing outside of the bathroom door, and I look at my girl sitting on the closed lid of the loo, trying to entice the child into the bathtub with a variety of toys and boats and things. She looks at me curiously.

"Harry?" Meg asks on the phone, "Is Titus okay?"

"Of course he is," I respond, insulted, "We're taking good care of your kid." Minnie smiles and rolls her eyes because we WOULD be if he would get in the damn tub to wash off the spaghetti sauce he'd gotten all over himself when he'd thrown the pasta and sauce around the dining room. I had cleaned the mess while Minnie took the boy to put him in the tub.

"I'm sorry. I knew you would be," Meg is chagrined at her question which makes me glow with pride. It proves that at least one person thinks Minnie and I will make good parents. Gotta tell you: neither Minnie nor I feel qualified at this point in time.

"So I hear we're offering you a job. Welcome to the Starfish Foundation. Congratulations on becoming our first ever Advocacy Manager," I use my business voice which booms and sounds more formal than my regular language. Minnie glances up at me from her perch where she's now trying to tickle the boy into wanting to take a bath.

"Are you sure?" Meg presses, and I laugh.

"Do you want the job or not, Meg?" is my response, and now Minnie's eyebrows are raised as high as the roof, practically glaring at me.

Meg assures me she absolutely wants the job, and I hang up after encouraging her to enjoy their date.

"I'm about to bribe him," Minnie tells me, exasperated that the naked child with strings of spaghetti still in his hair and stuck in the most unlikely places won't get in the tub.

"Hey, Titus?" I ask. "Do you want to have boat races?"

"NO!" the boy repeats, arms crossed over his chest. His pouty face is so adorable that I want to giggle, but I restrain myself. Laughing at this point would be a bad thing, especially when I look at Minnie and see that she's struggling to keep a straight face too.

"Do you want to take a shower instead?" Minnie asks, and the little boy shakes his head vigorously.

"There might be pirates in there," I try, "and you could be just the person to save us from them." Titus actually thoughtfully considers this idea, and I think I've won, but then he says "No" while adding a foot stomp this time, causing his little wang to bounce, and I nearly lose it, having to turn away and cough so as to not let my snort escape.

"Oh! Maybe if we used one of Harry's fancy bath bombs?" Minnie tries, but Titus holds his nose and shouts, "No! Pee ew!"

Just then, I hear Daisy's collar as she pads to the door, probably trying to figure out where her humans are. I swear you could see the light bulb go off over my head if you looked hard.

"I think Daisy probably wants a bath anyway," I tell the boy. "So she can use the water you were going to use." Reaching behind me, I grab Daisy who had no clue what she was in for when she wandered this direction. Kissing the sweet dog on the top of her head, I whisper, "Sorry, girl," just before I lower her into the tub. She starts shivering and whining which makes Titus sad.