Encounters With Abigail

Chapter Five

  I dive down lungs burning and blood in my mouth she is so close, I just graze her fingers with mine. I can get her. I have hardly any air left and if I can't get to you then I will die here with you. Saltwater stings my aching eyes. She knows we are going to die I can see it on her face as her long brown hair halos behind her. A wave hits us and I get spun around only to see her sink down to the black seafloor.

  I wake with such force that I crash out of bed landing on my shoulder. Wincing at the pain but finally out from the fog of sleeping pills. I'm never taking those again being trapped in that hell isn't worth it. When I got back last night head buzzing, but body exhausted, I took them in a fit of pure desperation my brain was barely functioning. 

  Work is getting so busy I really need to be in a better condition. Unfortunately, this year is hitting me like a damn train. I lay on the floor still tangled in my sheets, God I wish she was here right now.

  The rest of my Sunday is spent in a haze, every time I blink, I see her slipping away from me. Once I was finally able to peel myself from the floor this morning I sent Anna a long grovelling apology, she was still pissed off but accepted and roped me into re-potting her plants next weekend. I have no interest in refusing since the pull to potentially see Abigail too strong for me to even try.

  Monday starts off horribly, I messed up an account last week and now the client is pissed, never have I been called so many degrading words in a row before, not even by my father. After hours of onslaught in which I could have fixed the bloody problem instead of going round in circles with her on the phone I'm at the end of my tether, just about to tell her to fuck off when she hangs up on me probably using all the good karma I had built up for the last year. Leaning back in my chair closing my eyes attempting to calm myself down, her words still ringing in my ears.

  I don't know how long I remain like this before sense someone at my desk -what now- my eyes open to Matthew's sneer, rage burning strong as he glares at me. He isn't even trying to hide that he hates me. Blinking slow I wait for him to talk.

"Edward wants to see you in his office even although it should be me who deals with you." Matthew practically spits the words at me, I'm too tired and frazzled to deal with his shitty attitude today. I stand walking past him without acknowledging he even spoke.

  Is that why he is being an asshole? Does he think the boss gives me special treatment? If special treatment was more work than everyone else, I would love to see what it's like to be in his bad graces.

  Knocking quickly on the door already fully aware that this conversation is going to be exhausting.

  Sitting across from the frail man his eyes look sad. We've been close my whole life so he knows everything that happened those years ago.

"I just got off the phone with Miss Pickman, she tells me that you made an error with her account, and now would like to take her business elsewhere" his tone is sympathetic and it grates on me like sandpaper.

"I could have had it fixed in ten minutes if she stopped calling me a bastard long enough to get off the phone... she has been in my care for years and this is the first mistake I've made she is being entirely unreasonable" I try to keep my voice calm but it sounds beyond exasperated.

"You should take some time off" Edward's tone would imply I was five not twenty-three.

"What? Why?" panic floods me instantly sending my restless foot thudding into the ground.

He sighs "I know this time of year is tough on you, we can all see it. When was the last time you took a holiday? Seen someone who wasn't Anna? go take a few weeks off to clear your head. I will need you on top form for next quarter." I stare at him dumb struck so everyone can see it. Shit.

  He sighs again and I feel guilty for making him frown longer than I have ever witnessed before "ye... yeah, thanks Sir, I will do that. few weeks off will probably do me good." stammering like an idiot before vaulting myself out of the chair desperate to get away from this conversation. "Do you want me to go now or wait till the end of day"

  A smile lifts to his face crinkling the thin skin around his eyes "You have had a nasty morning you can just go now." I nod once and power walk to my desk grabbing my shit and leaving, heart thundering in my ears, only once I'm safe in my car do I allow the tightness in my chest free. Resting my head on the steering wheel while attempting to calm myself down.

Everyone knows

  Bile rises in my throat, and I fight to keep it down. I'm aware that the bags under my eyes are impossible not to notice but thought I at least was passing for fine. Clenching the wheel chest heaving; I can feel myself cracking. The misery I try to smother leaks from the fractures within me, but it can't overpower me again Anna has lost too much. I need to pull my shit together and quick.

  If only I could just get some sleep, I know I will be able to get a hold on this again.

 An hour later I'm in the dingy bar down the road from my apartment, tonight this place will be packed with teenagers looking to get drunk on a budget but thankfully now it only has a few old guys mostly spread out along the bar. I absently stare out the window as the world passes before me in an unfocused blur.

  Drinking till I'm numb and falling asleep on my couch only waking when the sun blinds me the next morning, I must have put one of mum's records on when I got in as a soft crackle fills the room. Already being able to think clearer just from a few more hours of sleep I continue the familiar routine for the rest of the week and feel mostly human by the time I wake on Saturday.

 The sleep I have accumulated over this week should keep me going for a while and hopefully by the next time my exhaustion bottoms out she won't haunt me so relentlessly.