cinema [h.s.]

chapter thirty seven.

⚠️ TW: BIRTH TRAUMA ⚠️

March 5, 2017.

"Alright, big push for me mama."

I groan and bare down as hard as I can, my entire body trembling from the amount energy I'm putting into getting my baby out.

One of the nurses, I'm not sure which one but she's heaven sent, places a cool wet rag on my sweaty temple, rubbing my shoulder to encourage me to keep going.

I've been at this for hours.

I'm exhausted and all I want to do is hold my baby and celebrate that I did it, that I did all of this by myself and now have a baby to cherish and love on for the rest of my life.

But it's hard.

It feels as if my child is fighting against me because no matter how hard I push, she won't come out.

Maybe it's a sign that I'm going to be a bad mom.

"I-I can't do this!" I cry, throwing my head back with a loud sob. The doctor sitting at my lower half sighs, rubbing the inside of my thigh as I sit there and bawl my eyes out.

"I know this is hard Rory, but you're making so much progress." She speaks softly, "I can see her head when you're pushing."

"She's not gonna come!" I shake my head and arch my back as another strong contraction makes it way through my body. This is the worst pain I've ever felt in my entire life.

"She is, darling." The doctor says calmly, glancing at the nurses surrounding me. "She's stuck on your pelvic bone. We see this often with babies that are posterior. I think it might help if we get your legs farther back to give her a bit more room."

"Is she gonna be okay?" I sniffle, crying out as an all too familiar pressure builds from below my waist, "Oh god! I need to push!"

The nurses around me are quick to help me get my legs back as far as I can and without even thinking or waiting for the doctor to give me the okay, I push down as hard as I can, screaming out when I'm immediately met with an intense burning.

"Darling, I need you to slow your pushes for me okay?" The doctor says cautiously, "We have to take this slow because she's posterior."

"It hurts!" I scream loudly, "Jesus fuck, get her out of me!" I grab onto one of the nurses hands and let out a shaky breath when the pressure finally subsides.

"It burns." I whine, tears flowing down my face. "Is it supposed to burn?"

"It's called the ring of fire, it's completely normal." The nurse at my left side smiles, "Just means you're crowning, hun. Wont be long now until you have a baby."