The Bias

Chapter 40

Shehnaaz, my dad didn't die of an illness. He committed suicide. Mom had accused him of cheating, he took it pretty well,but then slowly stared to lose his shit. Initially he was just angry at her, slowly started to slander her. My mum would so the same, talk absurd behind his back. To everyone they were perfect people, but together they were a mess. I saw them closely, I knew their demons...." he spoke straightening himself, his hand touching her at the left knee.

"You remember asking me,if I was scared of being my mother or dad.?" He added,placing his index finger under her chin, lifting her chin up to make her look up at him. She raised her eyes,and nodded innocently.

"I am scared of being both, my mom and my dad. I have dated so many women and jaise hi kuch sahi Hone lagta, I sabotage it. I am sacred of what weddings really are. I have seen few of the ugliest marriages. And they scare me. Isliye, I find it easy to just be.Bina kisi reason k. And that is despite the fact that I do dream of a happy family and children and a wife, but as soon as its about to become real, I destroy it."

"Siddharth...", spoke holding him in a hug, pulling him to her, into her torso.  "Why are we like that. Why can't we run away from ourselves. Kyu hota hai aise, ki kitna bhi try kar le we can't outrun our past, our fears." she spoke holding his head to her chest.

They stayed like that for a few more minutes,  him snuggling into her.  His face cushioned at her bosom, moving in the pattern of her breaths as the serenity of the darkness engulfed them. Perhaps if it were a country side, they would have heard the crickets chirping.

" Sana?" He lips whispered in an inaudible words, while she looked at the darkness around her.

"Hmm?"

"I didn't say that because, I feel that everyone goes through one thing or the  other. I said it because I haven't told this to anyone. Khud ko bhi nahi. When you asked me about it for the first time, that's when I realized that i am scared of so much. Sometimes even scared of myself. ", he spoke moving out of her embrace,  straightening himself and then looking at her.

" Sana you are brave, braver than most of us can be, but you are scared too. But then you know it and you don't deny any of that. You struggle, but still you search for ways to love yourself, when all the others around you couldn't. That's something, I would so want to learn from you. Despite everything being a mess, you haven't only managed to stay afloat but also aim and conquer.  I am so sure, the gods must be so proud seeing what they have made ."

By the time he stopped speaking Shehnaaz was smiling, her eyes full of tears that threatened to fall of any moment defying all of the inhibitions she had. The smile he was bewitched with, the smile that had him wrapped around her fingers.

" You have beautiful eyes!", she chuckled speaking as the tears fell from those eyes. She moved closer, placing her hands around the sides of his face, he had a sharp jawline. Her lean dry fingers caressing the skin there, as their noses stood at a distance of a needle. She looked at his lips,  slightly pigmented and dry. She felt her face heat up, his intentful  gaze could do something to her.

"Looks like I am finally going to see you blush!" He spoke as they stilled in the time frame.

She smiled at his words. He was indeed a creature that made dreams." Shukla you are such a man!" She spoke, placing her lips at his, and gently moving along his. It was slight, but soulful movement of their flesh against each other.

"And I must thank you!", she spoke parting away and then gently placing a loud audible childlike kiss at his nose.The black tinted  glass in the full glass window reflected their frames, as if they were figures of grey smoke.

"Thank you for being this, Siddharth.  If it weren't you, I wouldn't have known any of this. You made everything so easy for me. I am in your debt, forever!"