Status: Open
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Looking for a place to get a personal review for your story? Well, step in.
A workshop initiative by @TheSavantGirls since 2020
cover credits: @devianmisfit
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Warning labels: The book was deleted once by someone who has beef again...
When Grizelda was a child she vowed she'd keep her sister from falling victim to the family's curse that came directly from the gods. When she's unable to keep that promise she vows to free the world from its bloodlust by finding a wishing heart and using it to release it back to the gods.
When a wishing heart by the name of Gree is born she quickly learns she is being hunted. If the curse is set free their world may just collapse. Hidden and disadvantaged young Gree must find a way to win against Grizelda, and the trail of destruction the curse brings with it.
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Title:
I think the title is good. It is relevant to your story and fitting.
Cover:
I would say your cover is beautiful in my opinion.
Blurb:
I think your blurb is fine. It is enough and tells us what your book is about and who it is about. I would probably tell us a little more about the settings but overall I think your blurb is great.
Plot/flow/pace:
I think the flow between chapters is great. It didnt feel stilted or anything. The pacing to perfect in my opinion. I could already see the plot happening from the first chapter and the conflict.
Grammar and dialogue:
I think the dialogue was realistic for the situations and scenes. The grammar throughout was proper and the dialogue was proper for the most part. I did find some small grammar slip ups that I will mention below.
What you have: "Grizelda dear-"she grunted, her long dress making it hard to climb. The- My suggestion: The - after dear could be a comma since 'grunted' can be a dialogue tag. You also need a space between the quotation mark and she. Since what you are writing is also in past tense the 'making' should be 'made' to keep it in past tense.
What you have: "We can't sin or commit a crime." Katherine explained. My suggestion: So 'explained' is a dialogue tag so the full stop after 'a crime' should be a comma.
Character Development:
N/A
Descriptions, writing style and sentence structure:
I thought your descriptions were great and I liked your writing style. You had great sentence structure with the sentences varying in length. I did want to mention a few little slip ups I found throughout though.
What you have: Adriscordia, Grizelda's sister older by a year or so was close by, helping her family look her edible nuts and herbs- My suggestion: The 'old by a year or so' reads a bit odd to be and ruins the flow in my opinion. I would suggest rewriting that part of the sentence like this:
'Adriscordia, Grizelda's older sister was close by-'
I would also like to talk about some of the many instances where I notice the dialogue that is being said isnt being said by who is acting/the action of who is present during the paragraph. For example in the paragraph where Grizelda was doing things and in the same paragraph it seems she is talking to herself saying "Gri! Here, now." I would say to make it known who is speaking the dialogues and separating another persons dialogue from anothers actions. Otherwise it will confuse a reader into who is saying what.
Overall:
Overall, I thought your work is great. I felt like it was original and I enjoyed it. All the tiny mistakes I mentioned can be fixed with a quick edit. Keep up the great work!
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to review your book and good luck on your future writing endeavours!
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