Reverie Reviews

review #53.S3: Operation Stigmata

Title

Author: Strawberries_shots
Reviewer: LadyInLostYearn

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SYNOPSIS

"Do you have a single ounce of control over your impulses?"

"I do. However, if I decided to kiss you and have sex with you right now, I'd do it."

"Is that a yes or no?"

"Which would you like it to be?"
♤
When Seth Hales, an agent for a local NIS agency is suddenly dispatched to investigate the suicide mission of a spy who had managed to infiltrate a top governmental base, he's a bit wary of the whole thing, especially when he's assigned a partner, Winter Caine, who isn't exactly who he seems to be.
And when Winter starts to take an interest in Seth, the mission takes a sharp turn.

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Disclaimer: While I was reading your book with my best effort to stay unbiased, I might not have caught your intended style for your characters, storyline, or purposes. By the end of the day, you control its narrative. I was just passing through, exploring around, and giving a deduction.

Overall review:
The cover is eye-catching and the title is unique, so good work. The blurb is clear but doesn't have enough hook despite the dialogue added. Maybe include how Seth was assigned to this mission in the first place or mention a personality trait or two of Seth and Winter. I was notified that the book keeps republishing chapters and so far only three are up, thus I counted the prologue in.

First of all, the dialogue felt natural. There were no out-of-place dynamics between characters, and even if it did, I missed it. The conversations and chats were simple yet engaging, creating a great flow. Made me invested in the story much quicker than I normally do, which is a very good thing. Good pacing for the action scenes and the way they were described was succinct. All in all, they didn't feel dragged. What I appreciate the most, however, was the excellent use of expressions and bodily movements without being too flowery. Human nuances were made. Like, "...the sole of his sneakers brushing softly against the carpeted floor," and "Robinson rapped his knuckles on the table, just as a warning." Those were small things, but the very same ones made the characters more alive. I loved it. Some writers forgot this and some are aware, which can cause them to, well, make it flowery. I don't mind it, but too often I find the flowery descriptions go out of control. Side note, I do wish that Seth's physical appearance would be described through words like Winter's did, though, and I can't say much about the plot yet since it's still early. However, when Agent Levi's scene came in, I was certainly intrigued.

There are a few issues you have to fix and watch out for. The dialogues should have continued with dialogue tags, not action beats, and this mistake happened too many times for my liking. Examples, ""Not yet," His feet..." Again, don't use an action tag. "Sorry about that." Seth muttered..." and ""Be careful though." He said," should've continued the tag. There were awkward-sounding sentences and words too. Like, self-loath can be self-loathing. "He slammed the grip into the guard rushing toward him," can be "He slammed the guard rushing toward him with the grip." "Manly laughs rang," can be "A peal of masculine (or strong) laughter rang."  Misspellings and wrong words were used as well, like "Then he arched a brow, looking midly amused," should have 'mildly' and "Winter's grinned widened," should have 'grin' only. I found a misplaced comma in a period's place too. All in all, check the book all over again.

Although I mentioned natural flow and good pace, I can't say the same for some narrative sentences. For example, "In the large garden, light music played by a band in a corner filled the air in a melodic rhythm along with..." was dragging. Cut the sentence shorter, and it was supposed to be 'at a corner', so watch for prepositions as well. Another one, "Seth stopped moving when he got near enough so they would mistake him as just bringing a round of drinks but not close enough for them to hear their conversation." Could've cut it down like "Seth stopped near them. They would mistake him as a waiter bringing a round of drinks but not close enough to hear their conversation." Some words had the risk of being overused, so watch out for 'had', 'as', and '-ly' adverbs. I even noticed the frequent use of 'of'. 'Game of pass the parcel' could've been 'pass the parcel' game, 'statue of a naked woman' could've been 'a naked woman statue', 'most powerful of men' into 'most powerful men', and so on. It's best to make sentences succinct.

I found a few weird sentence placements too. Reduce paragraphs if the subject remains in the picture, like this: "What the hell happened with you?" Seth barked as he ran toward the main party. Also, in the scene where Seth whirled around, separate his paragraph from the waiter's dialogue, and combine two separate paragraphs when the speaker is still the main subject. Like, "Robinson's loud voice suddenly spoke up, instantly cutting off whatever Seth was about to reply with. "This is a taint to our agency..." Another type of placement, ""You should have at least said...." Winter had already pivoted in his stance, maneuvering with grace through the crowded cafe and eventually out the door. "...something."" You should mention that Seth speaks those words to avoid confusing readers since it's implying Winter's dialogue instead. When a lot of masculine pronouns were used in this story since most characters are men, don't be shy to write down their names whenever two people or more chat. It can give clarity.

Look up the words and prepositions when you feel unsure of them. Use Grammarly or ProWritingAid (don't fully rely on them) for grammar. Use Grammarly or ProWritingAid (don't fully rely on them) for grammar. Text-to-speech site is for detecting awkward sentences and words. Read more books outside Wattpad as well. I enjoyed reading it, and I hope it'll be more polished in future.