Status: Open
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Looking for a place to get a personal review for your story? Well, step in.
A workshop initiative by @TheSavantGirls since 2020
cover credits: @devianmisfit
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Warning labels: The book was deleted once by someone who has beef again...
Eighteen-year-old Princess Isla of Velorium strives to distance herself from her sister's romantic entanglements, but her destiny takes a dramatic turn with the arrival of King Kyro. Initially set to marry her older sister for a crucial alliance, Isla is crowned Queen to the most powerful ruler in all galaxies. Her newfound role turns her world on its head, setting off a chain of events plagued by mysterious curses, monstrous beasts, untapped magic, a battle with the dark sorceress known as The Golden Witch, and, above all, the inevitable collapse of her realm as a prophecy unfolds. Meet King Kyro, ruler of a Planet called Ventha. The warriors of Ventha have seen many wars. Mysterious and handsome, Kyro's initial proposal of alliance through marriage takes a turn, driven by his rebellious spirit and desires for Isla. He's well-acquainted with curses, magic, and prophecy, going so far as to journey beyond his galaxies to avoid them. Having witnessed his realm crumble under the weight of dark magic, he is determined to go to any lengths to prevent the dark forces from wreaking havoc on his world again.
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Title: The title doesn't draw me in. While it's relevant to the story, it should also be appealing. Considering that this story is about magic, love, betrayal, war, and family, maybe try incorporating that into the title. Whatever the main theme of the story is. You did incorporate 'magic' which would work if it was either reworded or if the term was used with a new title altogether.
Cover: Unfortunately, the cover needs equal work as the above. It looks like this photo was taken off Pinterest and someone slapped a text on it—which is risky if that's the case. Pinterest is known for plagiarizing photos. Back to my main point, the cover is bland. When it comes to a book cover, the font and title should be the main focus. Don't get me wrong. There should also be a gorgeous cover in general, but they should all be equally appealing.
The font is too small and doesn't capture my attention; I can also barely see the author's name. These are two very important aspects. I know I said before that the cover looked bland, but only because it doesn't look like the photo had been edited and adjusted for the book and the font ruins its quality.
Blurb: I actually have nothing negative to say about the blurb. It's well written and our main character is introduced along with her love interest. The flow is smooth and unique. Well done.
Grammar: I didn't notice a lot of issues with grammar, but there were a few. For example: It's important that you don't overuse em-dashes. Editors don't like them, and some editors may have you take them all out. That's because em-dashes are used for non-fiction pieces such as magazines and things like that—not meant for fictional books. I do recommend semicolons as an alternative.
Wrongly placed dialogue tag. "I can't, Selene promised to show me how to track the Dreadhowl," The comma after can't should also either be a period or a semicolon. Otherwise, it's a run-on sentence. And next, we have a lack of a dialogue tag: "No, there's something different about him." Lexa insisted. There needs to be a comma instead of a period within the dialogue to create a tag.
Lastly, there are tense shifts throughout the story. Be careful with this. Your character can't be in the past and the present at the same time and it will confuse readers. It's important to choose one and stick with it.
Writing flow: The book was well written. The only issues I had with the flow were the tense shifts, a few words that needed to be reworded, and the info dumping—which I'll get more into later.
Characters: The characters were diverse and rounded. I was thoroughly impressed. Isla is the main character who cares deeply for her younger siblings. She does whatever she can to keep them from worrying and to keep them entertained. It's almost like she took on a parental role. The family dynamic between them was great—we got an amazing insight to Isla's home life and what it's been like for her growing up as a princess.
Overall: Typically, my reviews are much lengthier, but I honestly didn't have a lot of advice to give you. The writing is great; it flows smoothly and is easy to read. The characters are diverse and feel like real people, which is the main goal when creating characters. The pace was steady—not too fast and not too slow. I actually enjoyed reading this and I hope that my review was helpful.
One thing I did want to mention real quickly was the info-dumping. The prologue and first few chapters contain a lot of it and I did find myself withdrawing from the story and becoming bored with it during those times. I recommend weaving the information into the book where it's relevant and not trying to pour all the information down our throats so quickly.
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