Status: Open
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Looking for a place to get a personal review for your story? Well, step in.
A workshop initiative by @TheSavantGirls since 2020
cover credits: @devianmisfit
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Warning labels: The book was deleted once by someone who has beef again...
"Christians aren't necessarily good people, Eli. They're just forgiven."
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Cover
I really like the cover of this book. I think I've seen something of the similar type before but it just gives a really nice vibe to it. The title font is really nice and matches well with the cover. At the start, I completely missed the author in the cover of it. I think it might be nice to reconsider the placement of the author's name? It looks fine either way but changing the placement would make the author's name more visible. At least in my opinion.
Title and Blurb
Once again, I like the title. One would think heaven would have laws and rules one would have to follow but the title itself screams the word "Lawless" so, it keeps the reader's interest as to wondering how heaven could be lawless.
On the other hand, the blurb was wayyyyyy too short to keep the reader's interest. Tbh, the fact that you have listed all the awards won, is nice but a bit too much. Maybe have a first chapter in the book dedicated to all the wins and have just one or two winnings up in the blurb? And the quote is nice but just the quote isn't enough to keep one completely hooked. You could mention the main aspects of the story or give the blurb a bit of body to keep the readers wanting to read more but then again, that's my personal opinion. But I really think that would help.
Plot
I can just say that it's not very overused and yet at the same time, not one that I haven't seen before. Children given up for the sake of the so-called "greater" good, it sounds like folklore or an adaptation of stories that are timeless. However, I've never really read one of this particular genre and so, it piqued my interest and my curiosity aroused.
Character development
I haven't seen much of a character development yet but I believe that is because the story is still at a very tender age, however, I love the characterization. One brave boy, bold because of love and willing to do anything for it. The other a person who makes you so very curious and your mind buzzing with questions as to why he does whatever he does. And these characters are all people who you won't really be able to forget. I loved all the characters so far and I love that you've made them humane, they have feelings and thoughts and reasons to do what they do.
Grammar and punctuations
It's absolutely flawless! Literally, I've tried to search for places where things were a bit wonky but that was nearly impossible. I greatly applaud you for this achievement because I find it rather difficult to keep the grammar and punctuation correct while working on a story and a chapter - especially if it's long, but you've done a really nice job. <3
Writing style
I just have to say that I loveeeeee the writing style. It has so many unique words that make me go ohhhh. It is really easy to read and the images it manages to paint in my mind is just *chef's kiss*. Every chapter starts with a painting and I think that's one of my favourite parts about reading your story. Even though sometimes, the dialogues feel off, when you try and say the sentence out aloud, it feels so natural. And the suspense of it- I have no words. I've read five chapters according to the conditions but I'm sitting ducks here wondering about what would happen next- I just might check it out again in the future. I absolutely love your writing style.
Flow
The flow of the chapter and speed of the scenes were great. It wasn't too fast, nor was it too slow. It was just right. However, I had a bit of concern with the length of your chapters. At the start, the first few chapters were lengthy however, they dropped to shorter ones after three-four chapters, I would suggest trying to either divide the first few chapters into more or making the shorter ones longer for a more consistent reading.
Extra!
Visual imagery
The story has such vivid imagery, it's almost as though I'm watching a movie rather than reading a book. The colors, the sounds, the way you've described and given bits and pieces of detail about everything incorporated in such a manner that reading never gets tedious, is greatly admired. I have to say, after a really long time, I'm in awe of someone's writing skills once more.
Dialogues
Honestly, I will be frank. I think that in the starting few chapters, you've focused quite a bit on the imagery and symbolism and themes and setting the scenes that the interactions feel a bit... off. This however, gets better over the chapters. I would suggest reworking on the first few chapters and their dialogues.
Overall
In all, this story is amazing. I would absolutely give this a recommendation to anyone who loves mystery, romance and fantasy. I won't say much in fear of spoiling it completely but I loved it. If the few things that I mentioned above would be changed, the story would be even better. Thank you soooo much for choosing me as your reviewer and I deeply apologize for the delay. Until next time! <3
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