Reverie Reviews

review #32.S3: Oneirataxia

Oneirataxia

Author: @Sri_999
Reviewer: MoniTheTigerEmpress

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SYNOPSIS

ONEIRATAXIA

<noun>

the inability to distinguish between fantasy and reality..........

Time travel.......Something that every human fantasises about

Oh!! to go back in time and see your history with your very own eyes.

Suchitra a renowned actress and singer in kaliyug, she lives a life people dream of a loving family, great friends, money and her favourite.. Mahabharat! What else would a person want?So what happens when she wakes up and finds herself in a room which she swears is not hers surrounded by people she doesn't know and as a cherry on top she wakes up in a body of a child!!

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Title:
I think your title is unique and I like how you added the definition of it in your blurb for others to know what it means.

Blurb:
Firstly, I would like to say I love how you added the definition of the title to your blurb. I found that to be really helpful as I did not know what that word meant. I think you have a good base for your blurb but I felt we needed to know more. I felt the blurb was lacking in a way as it didn't tell us much about the main plot of your book or the conflict at all. I would also like to talk about other aspects of the book which I will talk about below.

Secondly, for your blurb, you do not need the ellipses as they do little for what you are trying to say. A full stop or comma would suffice in the place of ellipses. There are also times when you missed a full stop at the end of a sentence, for example the sentence "Something that every human fantasises about" is missing a full stop at the end. There are also some spelling errors where "fantasises" should be "fantasizes". I would also like to say that you do not need more than one exclamation mark, one does the job of many.

What you have: Suchitra a renowned actress and singer in kaliyug, she lives a life people dream of a loving family , great friends, money and her favourite.. Mahabharat! What else would a person want?So what happens when-

My suggestion: A comma should be after 'Suchitra' here. I also assume kaliyug is the name of a place so the k needs to be capitalized. I would also suggest a full stop instead of a comma after 'Kaliyug'. You also do not need a space between 'family' and the comma. You can also get rid of the ellipses between "favourite" and "Mahabharat". You also need a space between "want?" and "So".

I would suggest reworking your blurb a little, and remembering to include definitions of terms that are not English such as "Mahabharat".

Plot/flow/pace:
Okay so there is a lot I want to say but at the same time I think it will all fall in the categories below but I will still touch up a little. I could see where you wanted to go with the plot but I felt like the pace of the chapters could be better. There weren't many descriptions so I couldn't visualize the scene and you needed more 'show, don't tell' which I'll explain later in my review, as well as the first and third-person point of view issue you have going on.

I had read the prologue and felt for my personal taste that it does little to move the story as it's just a recount of the main character's day. I would personally say that the story can just start in chapter 1.