"Hershel said this type of stress could make her ill again." That's definitely Ricks voice. I keep my eyes shut, not having the energy to open them or to even care about what they were saying. From the muffled voices I could tell they were outside the RV.
"I think this has broken her." Glenn adds, "she told me that she'd already accepted the fact she lost her family. I don't think she can handle losing them again."
"She'll be fine, she's tough. She's shown us that time and time again, she can survive this." I'm surprised to hear Shane say good things about me for once. Their voices muffle even more meaning they were probably walking away and so I just lay there.
A few moments later when I decide that I can't get back to sleep I open my eyes, the first thing I see is Daryl is still sat beside me. He's looking up at the ceiling bored but our hands are still joined. I slip my hand out of his making his head snap down. He doesn't say anything for a minute as we just look at each other. When I blink he speaks, "you feelin better?" I nod and sit up. "I'm sorry if I hurt you." I tell him softly, thinking about his stitches in his side.
He shakes his head, "nah I'm fine." I nod but don't have anything else to say, so we both just end up sitting in silence. "Selene?" It's Lori, "how are you?" I can't think of what to say so I just nod. "We're going to bury your dad now."
I go back to the house to freshen up first, I cry as I wash my face, feeling my warm tears cool with the refreshing water as they mix. How could fate be so cruel to me? To allow me to see my dad one last time when it wasn't really him. Just his mindless bloodthirsty corpse. What had I done in life to deserve all of this?
When I get back outside I see everyone stood in a line before the open graves. Daryl's on the left a small gap between him and Shane. I step into that gap and just stare at my dad on the ground. I don't cry as they bury him instead I just stand and watch. The feelings of pain that had been clawing at my chest have begun to dull and I'm beginning not to feel a thing at all.
After it's done, everyone stands for a few moments but then they start to slowly disperse, I wait until I'm the last one and then I sit in front of my dad grave. I want to say something except I don't even know what to say to him. I just sit there and wonder what happened to my mother and to my sister. I pray that they're fine but that if not I never have to see them.
⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅
I kind of blackout after that, I wander around the farm in a daze. Not wanting to go anywhere in particular but not wanting to just go back to my room and lay there. At one point I fall in a patch of mud but I don't have it in me to get back up, I just lay there, mud on my face, on my hands and creeping up my arms.
"Selene?" Of course I bump into Shane after making my way back towards the house. "Selene." I hear his voice but I can't respond to it. "Selene." He gently catches my arm making me look up at him. "Hey, are you all right?" I just blink and so his hand ghosts over my back as he leads me over to the water pump he was stood by. "Come here."
He sits me down and grabs a bucket of water before he starts cleaning the mud off my hands. "I want you to know that I'm real sorry for your dad." I still don't respond. "When I opened that barn I had no idea. If I did..." I'm not quite sure what he was going to say, if he knew about my dad it wouldn't have stopped him from opening the barn. He may have just gone about it differently or made sure I wasn't there I guess.
"Everybody thinks that I'm a... I was just trying to
keep everybody safe. I had no idea he was in there." I think he feels guilty for the state I was in. That had nothing to do with him though.
"There's no way you could've known." I finally say making him look up at me. "You didn't even know who he was." He nods and looks back down, "I still think you're an asshole by the way." He cracks a smile and glances up at me as he finishes off my arms.
"I got something for you." He says making my brows furrow, what could he possibly have for me? "I don't know how this is gonna make you feel but you should have it." He rummages in his pocket for a second and then drops a small chain in my hand. I look up at him confused for a second confused as to why he was giving me a heart locket.
"Your dad was wearing it." I look back down a memory resurfacing at his words. "This is my grandmas locket," I tell him letting a smile surface, "I was completely obsessed with it and so she always used to tell me that I could have it when I turned sixteen." I tell him as I turn it over in my hands.
Opening the locket I see a picture of my dad and I from when I was younger, we look ridiculous but I know that this was dad's favourite picture. "That you?" I nod, "my sister used to hate taking pictures so my dad used to try and make her jealous by taking the most ridiculous pictures with me. He did it in hopes she'd see how much fun we were having and want to join in." Shane chuckles slightly with me. "Sounds like a good man." I nod.
I laugh when I see the picture in the other side was my mom and my sister, recreating the picture of me and my dad. "I'm sorry for everything I said about you." He says suddenly making me look up at him. "You are without a doubt the toughest girl I've ever met." He tells me surely. "I thought I was looking out for the group, but without you I don't think we woulda ever found that little girl, you're exactly what we needed." I nod feeling like I was seeing a completely different side of Shane, that whilst he may still be an asshole he was doing what he thought was right for everyone.
He offers to put the necklace on for me and I accept. It's a bit awkward having him stand behind me as I hold my hair up and he slips the cold chain around my neck. I shiver as his fingers brush against my skin, "sorry." He mumbles before doing the clasp and stepping back. My hand reaches for it and I smile feeling like I had a part of my dad, as well as the rest of my family, that I could keep with me forever.
"Thank you!" I say turning around and hugging Shane he's definitely surprised since he hesitates a second before patting my back.
