"She's looking better already." I felt like I was always getting woken up by someone talking about me.
"Yeah her fevers gone down." I open my eyes to see Carol sat beside me, adjusting my drip as Daryl was leaning against the doorframe.
"Hey, how're you feeling?" Carol asks softly as she sees me stir, "better?" She smiles, "we got you some food, if you want it." She explains, "uh, I still don't have much of an appetite." I shrug, "it might be hard but you should try to eat, it'll really help your body heal faster."
I can't help but glance over at Daryl who nods, "um okay, I'll try and eat something." He leaves and returns with a plate a few moments later. Carol tells us she has to go check on Hershel and so Daryl takes her seat. "What's wrong?" He asks as he watches me stare at the food, "I'm really not hungry." I mumble, "you haven't eaten a thing in days." I shrug, "I've gone longer than this before."
I look up to see that look in his eye again, I couldn't tell what it meant though. I wanted desperately to know what he was thinking, why he kept looking at me in this way. "What were you, before all this?" I ask him, "I don't remember you saying anything last time, when everyone was talking about life before."
He shrugs, "does it matter?" I shake my head seeing as he looks uncomfortable, like he didn't want to talk about it. "No, I'm just curious. I'm trying to picture you before."
"Why?" I shrug again, "no reason, do you know what I see you as?" He looks hesitant, "a mechanic." His brows raise slightly at my answer, "yeah?" I nod. "Yeah, I can totally see you having a garage where you fix up people's cars and bikes." I notice a sense of relief on his face, he didn't think I was gonna say something bad did he?
"I weren't no mechanic." He shrugs, I nod and leave it at that, if he didn't want to tell me I didn't want to pry. "Did you really want to go to the olympics?" He asks after a moment of silence. I look up from the plate of food I'd been pushing around.
"Yeah, it was my life's dream. My mom was my biggest supporter, she really thought I could get there and her belief made me believe I could too. It was a stupid dream." My mood sours slightly with all my thinking on the past. "Nah, it was a good dream." He assures me, making my eyes meet his.
We stare at each other in silence for a few seconds before he breaks the eye contact and looks down, at the plate in my hands. "You gonna eat or not?" I nod and begin forcing some food in mouth whilst he gets up and leaves.
⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅
It's been a few days and with the medicine and rest I feel a lot better. I have a bit more energy to do things even though I still hadn't worked my strength back up to what it was.
Everyone is at ease for once it's evening time and we're all in our cell block sat around eating only Hershel and Beth aren't with us, they're in their cell. Hershel wasn't fit enough to get up yet.
Carl and Sophia were on either side of me, both kids hadn't left my side since I'd begun recovering. We're playing a game that I used to play all the time back at school with my friends. The three of us trying to make a story but we can only say three words each before the person to the right carries on the sentence.
I smile as I make them laugh, saying the most random things I can think of on my turns. I feel eyes on the side of my face as I giggle, I look in the direction to see Daryl. He's sat across from me, he looks away as soon as our eyes meet, I'm puzzled by his reaction but don't have time to think on it as the kids demand my attention.
When the kids are sent to bed Glenn sits beside me. "How're you feeling?" He asks making me laugh slightly, someone asked me that question every hour. "I'm feeling fine." I say making him nod. "You know I saw whatever that was between you and Daryl." He tells me, leaning over to whisper. "Get a life." I laugh shaking my head at his ridiculousness.
"I have a life and I'm trying to help you get one." He says before dropping his voice, "a love life." I burst out into laughter almost falling, with the amount I was laughing. "Stop laughing like a maniac." Glenn tells me, he's trying to hold his own laughter back as the others look over at us.
"What's so funny?" Daryl asks making Glenn and I share a glance, the moment our eyes meet neither of us can help but just laugh. I'm sure it wasn't as funny as we were finding it and that we looked crazy to the others.
Once we settle down a conversation starts within the circle and it ends up shifting to Lori and how she'll be giving birth anytime now. Carol is worried because it doesn't look like Hershel will be up to it and he hadn't taught her everything.
"I don't know how to know if you're fully dilated." She tells us, I bite my lip as I look down and debate wether I should speak up or not. "I do." I offer knowing that whilst I may have wanted to forget about it, Lori needed the help.
Everyone looks at me making me look down.
"You do?" I take a breath knowing that they wanted to know more. "He taught me." I tell them but I know that doesn't really instil them with the confidence that it didn't show that it wasn't just all theory.
"He was usually very careful about not getting me pregnant," I start off keeping my eyes on the ground, "there were a few slip ups though. The uh my first... I carried to term but there was... I got him angry and uh he..." my eyes shut as I try and lock the tears away. I feel a hand on mine, it's Carol she squeezes my hand. "It was a stillbirth, he talked me through it and then the second time he didn't want to come down, told me to deliver her myself, he let me keep her for three weeks."
Everyone is silent for a moment, it was heavy stuff I know. "Do you know what happened to her?" Lori asks softly making my eyes shut again at the memory that arises. I nod a sob catching in my throat, Carol rubs my back comfortingly as I can't help but let the tears out. "I was making him dinner and she started crying. He wouldn't let me go to her, told me I had to keep cooking but he...he couldn't take the crying and uh he..." I shake my head I can't even say it.
I get up and walk straight to my cell, I cannot believe that I just told them all that. "Hey," I wipe my eyes hastily once I hear Carol, she sits beside me and takes my hand in hers. "I'm so sorry that happened to you." She tells me softly. "You don't have to talk about it but we are all here for you, if you ever do. If you want to talk about anything we'll listen." She assures me, "I know it's heavy stuff and it must be painful to relive but it must be especially heavy to keep all to yourself."
I nod, "I thought I could just forget about it." She frowns sympathetically, "I don't think this is something you'll ever forget." She says in a sorry tone as she wraps an arm around me. "There's so much I want to forget, but I never want to forget their faces. I know that they were half of him but they were perfect Carol." She smooths my hair from my face as I speak.
"I think about them everyday but I'm glad that they didn't grow up in that basement, that he didn't get to ruin them the way he ruined me."
"Did you name them?" She asks hesitantly. "Hayden and Layla. My mom named my sister and I after the times we were born, I was born at night so I was named Selene after goddess of the moon and my sister was named after the sun. I didn't know what times they were born but I guessed."
"We'll always honour Hayden and Layla for you."
