I went straight to sleep after everything that happened yesterday. I woke up to find that the execution did not take place and that I had somehow slept through Dale being attacked by a walker. He didn't make it and I feel that numb ache again. I wonder how long it would take for me to become indifferent to all the losses we would undoubtedly face.
I can barely listen to Ricks speech at the burial for Dale. I just keep thinking about how we were all going to die and how I didn't understand the point in us trying to survive just to eventually die such horrific deaths.
"Selene can I speak to you?" Carl's at the door of my room, everyone was preparing to move to the house making me glad that they'd all be closer and that I wouldn't have to do that walk out to them everyday. I see the troubled look on his face so I wave him over.
"If I tell you something can you promise not to tell my parents?" I bite the inside of my cheek, I want him to feel like he can trust me but it really depends on what he says. "Look, you can come to me to talk about anything Carl, and I'll be there for you no matter what. I can promise you that. I can't promise you that I won't tell your parents because if I think that it's something they should know, you just have to trust that I'm right about that."
He thinks it over and nods before he sits beside me. "I took a gun from Daryl's bike, If he found out I took it, he'd kill me." I shake my head, "he would never."
"Do you have the gun now?" I ask but he shakes his head. "I gave it to Shane, I told him to give it to Daryl. I should've given it to you because Daryl likes you the best so maybe he wouldn't get angry then." I laugh slightly, "Daryl wouldn't get angry at you kid, don't worry about it. Is that what you wanted to talk about?" He shakes his head.
"Dale. It's my fault that he died." I shake my head again and place my hand on his shoulder, "hey no, what are you talking about? That's nothing to do with you."
"I saw that walker. I was gonna shoot it. It was stuck in the mud. I was throwing rocks at it and stuff. But I was gonna do it, shoot it right in the head. It got free, came after me and... I ran away. If I had killed it, Dale would still be here." I sigh and give him a hug. "That is not your fault Carl, I promise you that alright? This was just a freak accident and it could've been any walker out there, even if you'd killed the one you saw."
He nods as he pulls away, "thanks, Selene." I ruffle his hair making him smile up at me. "No worries, you come to me whenever alright?"
⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅
The rest of the day becomes eventful once we find out that Randal had escapes and then Shane stumbled back to us face all bloody claiming Randal attacked him and ran away with his gun. It's a story I don't buy at all, but the others do and so Rick, Glenn, Shane and Daryl go in search for him.
The rest of us just haul up in the house waiting and wondering. I begin to worry once it's dark and they're still not back.
"Selene!" I run up the stairs wondering why Sophia was calling me. "Carl left." I just look at her, "what? What do you mean?"
"He followed his dad." She looks panicked and so I nod as I crouch down to her height, "alright I'll go and get him, you tell the others ok?" She nods and so I grab my gun from my room and leave the house in search for Carl.
I manage to find him on the field, "what do you think you're doing?" He jumps after I speak and points his gun at me shakily. "Selene." He sighs lowering it, "come on we are going back to the house right now." I tell him grabbing a hold of his arm. "You can go back but I'm not, I'm going to find my dad." He says before sprinting up at full speed. I catch up to him in no time and grab him gently by the shoulders.
"Listen to me right now, we are going back to the house. It is not safe out here and I don't care what you say, you are coming with me." He turns his head and his face drops, I follow his sight and see Rick sat over Shane's body.
Carl pulls away from me and raises his gun at his dad, tears in his eyes. We both tell him to lower the gun but his focus changes in a second and his target moves from Rick to Shane, who was a walker and stumbling over. I go to reach for my gun but it must've fallen when I was running after Carl.
Carl shoots Shane and Rick turns in shock. Once we all catch up together I leave Rick and Carl for a second to go and get my gun.
Everything seems to happen in a split second, because once I've found my gun I look back and see a massive heard of walkers approaching. I can't see Rick or Carl and I don't know which way to go.
Running back towards the house is risky but I do it not knowing what else I can do. I make it after a dozen close calls, when I get there I see Andrea help Lori and Beth get into the pickup whilst she runs to save Carol. I'm about to run to the car when the doors are covered by walkers instantly. Even if I wanted to risk it they drive off and I'm stood there still in shock about the entire situation.
Instead I turn and see a red car, I know that I don't how to drive very well but I was just gonna have to take my chances rather than stay here. I get in the car and start it, I panicked slightly but try to remember the very limited amount of lessons my father gave me.
I get the basics and manage to move the car forwards, once I see Rick, Carl and Hershel I manage to pull up near them and they waste no time in jumping in the car.
"Wait, someone should switch with me I-"
"We don't have time you have to move now." I put my foot down and follow the direction Rick provides me with my heart in my ears the entire time.
"Do you even know how to drive?" Rick asks me after we're safely away from the farm but my driving seems to be scaring my three passengers. "No." I answer gripping the wheel tightly.
"Ok, ok pull up let's switch." I end up slamming on the brakes making all four of us get thrown forwards slightly. "Sorry!" I say as they just stare at me eyes wide. "Remind me to never let you drive, ever again." Rick mumbles rubbing his head, he'd bumped it on the back of my seat.
We switch quickly and then he drives us back to the highway. I stay in the car as the other three get out and look around. I lay in the backseat before I start to hear a commotion.
I get out to see Rick and Hershel disagreeing about something whilst Carl is pleading with his dad. "We don't know if anyone got out, we can't stay here." Rick tries to tell the two who don't listen to him.
"I know Lori, T-dog and Beth got out." I speak making them all turn to me, "what?" I nod. "They were in the blue truck, I saw Lori and Beth jump in and I saw them drive away." Rick sighs in relief and sits on the ground as Carl beams. Hershel also looks comforted by the fact he knew about at least one of his daughters.
Since they know that, the four of us are in agreement to wait a while longer because if there's any place the group will go it'll be here. I climb back into the car and leave the men be.
As I lay across the backseats I wonder about everyone else, mainly Daryl honestly. I didn't see him at all back at the farm and whilst I wasn't worried about his odds of surviving, what if I never saw him again?
