The next months on the road are tough. Forget tough, it was hell. We'd survived the winter but the fact that I had the shittiest immune system on the planet meant that I kept getting ill. Winter may have been over but I hadn't recovered yet, I seemed to just be getting worse by the day.
First of all I hated being ill in general because of how weak my body would be and how easily I'd tire. I hated it most of all because I was being nothing but a burden to the group, I stayed away from Lori because I didn't want to get her sick too, not when she was very pregnant right now. Like ready to burst pregnant.
"I keep telling you guys that you should just leave me behind, or just shoot me in the head." I mumble after we've stopped to rest. "How many times do I have to tell you to shut up about that?" Daryl says, "we ain't leaving you."
"I'm just dragging you guys down." I protest before I burst into another coughing fit. He's by my side in an instant rubbing my back as tears leak from my eyes. I was in an excruciating amount of pain every time I had a fit, I honestly felt like my lungs were going to explode or come up my throat.
"I'm gonna make you guys sick too." I say pushing myself away from him, "we'll be fine." He assures me as Glenn brings me some water. "You should get back in the car." He tells me, the others are checking out a house, to see if it's safe enough for us to stay. We had another car now, I usually lay in the back on the seats but I tried not to when I could, so that's what I do whilst I wait for them to tell us if the house was safe.
"Hershel why is my immune system not getting stronger?" I complain as he brings me a wet rag for my head. "It is dear, if you'd caught this back when you first arrived at the farm it would've killed you." He says making me groan, I wished it would kill me now. "Just try and rest." He instructs before leaving me too. All I did was rest and I was getting tired of it.
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"Will these help her?" Rick asks Hershel handing him a bottle of pills, since I was keeping away from Lori I'd also been keeping my distance from everyone in that car too. I was not going to the reason something happened to Lori or the baby.
He looks at me and sees that I'm awake, looking at him. He starts walking over but I shake my head and pull my shirt up to cover my mouth and my nose. "Selene, we've been through this. We will not get as sick as you because we have stronger immune systems."
"Way to rub it in my face." I mumble making him laugh, "you know what I mean." I nod. "I know and I know you guys are healthier but I just don't want to risk it." He nods and squeezes my shoulder, "I'm gonna find you some medicine and you'll be fine in no time." I nod, I knew everyone was looking for medicine for me, I just wished I could help them.
"Rick." I call making him turn back, "if I don't get any better, I don't want this to be the thing that kills me." He shakes his head, "Selene we are not having this conversation, it's not going to get to that." I cover my hands with my sleeves and grab ahold of his hand.
"Rick please, if I get worse, I want someone to put me down." I did not feel like I was gonna get better and I was fine with that. I just did not want to die from this. "I can do it myself, just please don't try to stop me, and make sure the others don't either." He stares at me for a few seconds, blue eyes welling up, I squeeze his hand as one tear falls. He nods, "I won't let it get to that though." He assures me, I smile softly. "I know you won't."
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"Glenn you have to pull over." I spit out, "okay, um just one second let me-"
"Glenn if you don't pull up right now I will throw up on you." His eyes widen and he does so immediately, I don't even wait for the car to stop before I throw the door open and empty my stomach onto the floor. The others notice we'd stopped and do the same, a few of them getting out to see what was wrong. I ask Glenn to move the car up because I didn't wanna be near the puke.
"I'm fine." I assure them but Hershel gives Rick a look, "what?" I ask him, it was not a good look. "What's wrong?" I ask again, "you developed pneumonia two weeks ago," I nod already knowing that, "if we don't get you antibiotics soon, you won't... you won't make it." I let out a shaky breath as Daryl scoffs, "what do you know old man-"
"Daryl," I catch his hand making him stop, "it's ok, it's fine. I knew this might happen." He shakes his head, "how long do you think Hershel?" I ask noticing how he avoids my eye. "Two weeks." I hold Daryl's hand tighter as he makes another face. "No. No I'll find the medicine, I'll find it." We hadn't had much luck so far but I nod along.
"If you don't it's okay." I murmur as Rick and Hershel go to tell the others, "Imma find it." He tells me surely, "I already spoke to Rick." I start, "I told him that I don't want to die from this."
"You won't." He tells me not understanding what I'm trying to say, "I don't mind dying Daryl, I just I don't want to get worse and die from this, if we can't find the medicine then I want to die on my own terms." He pulls his hand from mine. "No! What are you talking about?" I finally get out of the car and stand in front of him. "You're gonna have to do it anyways, if I die from this, I turn and you'll have to shoot me or stab me or whatever."
He doesn't say anything as he just stares at me. "Daryl, it's what I want. I'm okay with it all, I've made my peace." He still doesn't respond to me, "you keep talking like your dead already. What's the point in fighting for you if you won't even fight for yourself?" He just walks away after saying that, straight back towards his bike.
"Selene, come on get back in the car." Glenn says as I just stare after Daryl, I feel sad, my heart sinking, I didn't want to die with him upset with me. "Look, I'm gonna go on a run again tomorrow. Maggie and I, we'll find you the antibiotics." He says as I settle back down, I don't say anything as I just continue staring ahead.
