Rick and Daryl find a prison, they take us all there so that we can clear it. Once they clip through the fence we all slip in and then Glenn closes the fence up. We all stand in the space between the two fences as Rick plans what we need to do.
"If we can shut that gate, prevent more from filling the yard, we can pick off these walkers. We'll take the field by tonight." Rick explains to us. "So how do we shut the gate?"
"I'll do it." Glenn offers immediately. "You guys cover me." I bite my lip as Maggie shakes her head. "No. It's a suicide run."
"I'm the fastest." He says with a shrug, "I'm the fastest." I correct making him shake his head, "you're in no condition to run."
"I can make it." I say confidently, I'd probably die after I got to the gate but it'd be worth it to me. "No, absolutely not." Rick says making me turn to him, "we spoke about this Rick, I am already dying and you agreed I could do it on my terms." I wanted to help, to at least be useful. I don't want them to have done all that they had for me, for nothing.
"No, you stay here, you're not doing it." I want to protest but I know it's useless they'd all talk me out of it. " Glenn, Maggie, and Beth draw as many as you can over there. Pop 'em through the fence. Daryl, go back to the other tower. Carol, you've become a pretty good shot. Take your time. We don't have a lot of ammo to waste. Hershel, you and Carl take this tower. All right. I'll run for the gate." Everyone listens to his instructions and gets into position as I hang back with Lori.
I pull my gun from my waistband, I could at least help this way. I stay focused on shooting and so I block everything else out as I take down walker after walker. Once Rick closes the gate everyone focuses on killing the walkers and we get it done in what feels like moments.
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Night falls and we're all sat around a fire in the prison yard. I shake my head as Carol offers me some food, "you need to eat." She insists but I shake my head again, "I can't stomach anything Carol, it hurts going down and feels a thousand times worse coming back up." My broken voice whispers into the silent night. She sends me a pained look, I feel the others looking at me too so I just look down.
She goes to give Daryl some food instead, he was stood on a bus as a lookout and Rick was patrolling the area, he'd gone round three times already looking for any weak spots in the fences.
Daryl and Carol begin making their way back to us when Beth starts singing. I slip away from them, not wanting to ruin everyone's happy mood. Everyone being happy like this was rare and they didn't need to hear or see me throwing up, not after they'd all just eaten.
"Hey." Daryl whispers as he joins me, he messily pulls my hair back and sits by me as I continue to throw up, having nothing in my system made this more painful than I thought possible. It was a lot of dry retching as my stomach contracted painfully, trying to find something to bring up. The only thing coming up was blood though. Not lots but it was there.
Once I'm done I fall back against Daryl in a fit of tears. Throwing up had always made me cry, since I was a kid but this... this was overwhelming beyond belief. "Please don't be angry with me." I beg him not daring to look up. "I was trying to be brave before, I don't know if I'm ready or okay with all of this, I'm scared Daryl." He pulls me in closer to him, I'm practically sat on his lap, my head on his shoulder and his arms around me.
"I really tried to fight Daryl but I'm suffering and I don't have it in me to fight anymore. I just didn't want to die suffering." I explain through sniffles as his arms tighten. "We're going inside tomorrow, Rick thinks this place is a gold mine. That there's medicine." He explains, I nod. "I can hold on a few more days."
"If we don't find it, I'll do it, end your suffering." He says after a moment, it probably sounds odd, but to me it was everything. "You okay to go back to the others?" He asks, once I nod he helps me up. "Thank you." I mumble wrapping my arms around him. This is the first time he reciprocates my hug, usually he just lets me hug him but doesn't really hug me back. He'd put a hand on my head occasionally but never had he ever hugged me.
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I don't sleep the entire night, I get up and see Rick still awake too. He was sat lost in his mind, like he usually was these days. "What are you doing?" He asks after I stumble over to him, "you should be resting." I shrug as I sit beside him. "Can't."
"Still, don't waste your energy, we're gonna find you the medicine tomorrow." I grab his hand. "I don't care about the medicine right now, I care about you."
"Rick, this entire time I've not been able to speak to you properly and if you find the medicine, it still might be too late for me. I don't have long left and if I go I need to know that you're gonna be okay."
"Why?"
"Because you're my brother." Our conversation from the farm flickers through his mind for a second and his face softens. "I'm fine." He tries to reassure me but I shake my head. "You've not been fine since the farm." I tell him, "you've been struggling Rick. I can't even begin to imagine how you feel. I know that you make all the hard choices for us, everything you've done it's been to protect us, to keep us safe."
He nods but doesn't say anything, "you've done it, after we clear the inside tomorrow everyone will be safe and happy. You don't have to be so alone Rick, I see you stuck in your mind all the time, just talk to us, if I'm still here talk to me whenever but if-"
"You're gonna be here." I nod, "okay, that means you don't isolate yourself anymore. You talk to me if something is on your mind." He nods and wraps hims arms around me. "Thank you."
