I wake up first again, I try to wait a while for someone else, anyone else to get up but I feel restless. I hate it inside, my cell is the worst but even the common area could trigger my claustrophobia and so it's no surprise when I find myself outside on watch again.
I close my eyes for a moment and tilt my head back as I let the wind rush over me. I don't know what to do about anything that's happening anymore. This was all too much, I thought things would settle for us that we could be safe here and that we could live a relatively normal life.
Everything I'd been pushing down since I met the group is fighting it's way up, I tried to forget about the basement but it was still there, still clinging to my mind refusing to be forgotten at all. Waiting for the moment I woke up to remind me that it would always have a hold on me. It would always be there even if for a few fleeting second when I'd confused the cold stone wall of my cell for the one I would stare at day and night in his house. I would never be free of the basement and running from it only seemed to make the memories stronger.
Then there was everything that happened at the farm, any interaction I'd had with Shane, being lost in the woods for days. Finding my dad and then losing my dad within seconds, losing Dale. I'd brushed past every death we'd encountered so far.
I didn't think of Dale or all the kindness he showed me in the small time we'd known each other, I didn't think of T-dog. T-dog who'd saved my life, he sacrificed himself for me, twice and I'd pushed it from my mind. I didn't deserve his sacrifice, there was no reason that I should be here and he shouldn't. It wasn't right and I just couldn't understand why he did it, why he thought I deserved it, how I should honour him since there was no way I could ever make it right, ever repay him.
Finally I hadn't once thought of Lori, a woman who'd shown me such kindness from the moment she met me. She'd cried for me when we were strangers and I hadn't even shed a single tear for her as a friend. Lori just like her husband hadn't hesitated in taking me in, she Carl and Rick all acted as though I'd always been a part of their family, I would never get to thank her for that. The closest I could ever get to that would be to look out for her children.
I sigh to myself as I feel the warm embrace of the tears that had escaped my lids, as they glide down my face. I couldn't stop them, I couldn't stop anything and I wouldn't be able to stop the governor either. I didn't know what was going to happen but it did not look like it was going to be good for us. I didn't feel very optimistic about this, that one thought that was always recurring pops up again. What was the point in trying to survive in this type of world?
⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅
"Hey." I force a smile as I see Maggie join me, "hey." I move over and make space for her to stand near me. "You okay?" I nod and glance away for a moment and then back, "you?" I ask knowing that whatever had gone on in Woodbury was still weighing her down. "I will be." I give her a nod and squeeze her arm before looking back out over the prison yard.
"You wanna go in and eat something?" I look back at Maggie who was watching me warily, "no, I already ate." It's a lie and I feel like she can tell but she doesn't say anything about it. "You didn't stay to see Daryl yesterday." I abandon looking out across the prison and turn to my friend. "You upset with him?" I shake my head as I bite on my lip. "I just... I don't know."
"How do you feel with his brother being here?" I ask knowing he was the one who took them and put Glenn through hell. "He doesn't deserve to be here with us, it's all his fault." I nod in agreement, Rick said he wasn't a good person. I was not looking forward to meeting him, I was lucky he was sleeping when I slipped out. "I'm sorry that he's here and that you have to be around him after what he did." She shakes her head. "If only he weren't Daryl's brother."
"You know if you want, I think the two of us could take him out, make it look like an accident, no one would know." She cracks a smile and takes my hand in hers as she thanks me but tells me we shouldn't, not yet at least.
We stay together in a comfortable silence as we watch out for anything out of the ordinary but eventually I decide to head back in, this small little space wasn't making me feel any better either. Especially since with the two of us it was a lot more cramped.
I head back and decide to go and see Daryl, it'd been long enough and I really had missed him. Hershel is talking to Merle so I don't have to interact with him yet thankfully and I can slip back into the cell block uninterrupted.
"Hey Selene!" I smile at Sophia who comes running over, "hey what's up?" I laugh as she hugs me, "I feel like I haven't seen you in ages, you keep disappearing." I can't help but laugh again at her dramatics. "I saw you yesterday Soph." She shakes her head, "just for like two seconds."
"Alright how about this? You let me go speak to Daryl really quickly and then I'm yours for the rest of the day. How does that sound?" Her face changes once I mention Daryl, a mischievous smile emerging. "Oh you're going to Daryl?" I'm not sure I like the tone she's using right now, "yeah?"
"Okay, take your time." I'm left stunned as she walks with a smug look on her face. "Um okay." I mumble to myself before going in search for Daryl.
I hesitate at the steps very aware that this will probably be very awkward. I shake my head and practically run up the stairs knowing the longer I tried to delay it, the more awkward it would be.
Daryl's cell was the one right next to mine, and so even if I wanted to just walk past I'd have to see him anyways. "Hi." I stop and lean against the doorway of his cell, his head snaps up at my voice and he he sits himself up straighter on his bunk.
"Hey." His voice is so low I almost missed it completely. "I uh..." I stumble over my words since all I can focus on is Daryl's eyes on me, following my every move. "I missed you." His face softens as I glance down at the floor. I glance back up once I hear movement, he stands and as he does I push myself off the wall and take a involuntary step forward.
We meet in the middle both of us hesitating once we get face to face. After a few seconds of us starting at each other I blink and it seems to wake him from a daze. "I missed you." My ears really strain to her his voice but I feel my cheeks warm once I do. I don't know what to say and I don't want him to see my cheeks if they redden so I wrap my arms around his buff frame.
"I'm so glad you're back." I mumble into his chest as his arms raise and tighten around me. "Yeah?" I nod before realising he probably couldn't see me. "Yeah, I didn't have anyone to keep me company when I couldn't sleep." He smiles softly as I pull away to look up at him. "I'm back now and I won't be leaving again."
"I'm gonna hold you to that." He nods as he brushes a piece of my hair from my face, I shiver at his light touch as it ghosts down my face. "I told you I was coming back for that third didn't I?" A smile breaks out on my face as his hand moves to cup my cheek gently. "Took your time." He looks a bit regretful for a second but we're interrupted before he gets a chance to say what was on his mind.
"Andrea's here!"
