Daughter of Arathorn

A Mother's Advice

It took Elia a few days to settle in her mother's home. Gilraen loved every moment that she had with her daughter after not seeing her for so long. "Estel did send word to me that you had left Lothlorien two seasons ago," Gilraen said as she brewed some tea.

"I had," Elia replied.

"We have not heard from you since then, how have you faired with your journey?" Gilraen asked.

"It has been...different," Elia replied.

"Different how?" Gilraen asked as she placed a cup in front of her.

Elia looked at the tea in her cup as she regaled the whole tale about her visit to Gondor, the orc attack in Mirkwood, and getting to know the Woodland Elves. As she spoke, Gilraen listened intently but her dark blue eyes paid attention to her body language. "What are you not telling me, daughter?" she asked before she sipped her tea.

The woman's cheeks flushed and she cleared her throat. "Nothing," she replied.

"Elia..." Gilraen said, raising her brow.

"Why do you believe I am keeping secrets?" Elia asked.

"Since the last time I saw this expression was when your brother met Arwen," Gilraen replied simply.

Elia let out a sigh and sat back in her seat. "Elia, do not slouch," Gilraen insisted.

"Mother..." Elia started to say, "It is nothing."

"Is that so?" Gilraen asked.

"It is a mere infatuation," Elia replied, "He saved my life."

"You and your brother are more alike than you care to admit," Gilraen said.

Elia was confused. "Mother?" she asked.

"My daughter...I have seen this before. Estel was not as stubborn as you are about how you feel. In fact, from what I remember, you had declared you would never marry after hearing about Estel and Arwen's betrothal to each other," Gilraen said.

"That is a vow I intend to keep," Elia replied.

"Why?" her mother asked.

Elia shrugged her shoulders a little and let out a sigh as she stood up. She walked over to the window and stared out at the garden outside the window. The flowers were in full bloom, everything was beautiful. "Why risk feeling a painful heartbreak?" she asked.

"Ah...I see now," Gilraen said.

"I am not, Estel, Mother. I am not an heir to any throne. I am nothing but the sister of a self-exiled King," Elia said.

"Do you believe that makes your existence less important? That you do not deserve a life of your own?" Gilraen asked.

Elia rubbed her shoulder. "It is not that, Mother. I just do not want to risk the pain after seeing how much your heart aches for Father," she said.

Gilraen was silent as she mulled over her daughter's concerns. She took another sip of her tea before sitting back straight in her chair. "Elia, I do miss your father. I miss him every day since his sudden death, even when his death was foretold the pain I experienced over losing him is indescribable," she said. The older woman stood up and walked over to her daughter. "Yet, I do not regret the decisions I made because I gave birth to not one, but two beautiful children." She held Elia's face in her hands.

Elia reached up, holding her mother's hands in hers. The tears welled up in her eyes as the truth slowly bubbled to the surface. "Mother, Lord Elrond's healers informed me years ago that I will be unable to bear children," Elia said.

Gilraen's heart broke over the pain in her child's eyes. "Oh my heart..." she said softly.

"If I were to ever fall in love with anyone...and if anything were to happen to them...I would never find that same comfort that you found in Estel and me," Elia said.

"There is more to this life than a child," Gilraen said softly, "I had to let your brother find that out himself after you were told the truth of your lineage." Elia held her mother's arms. The older woman embraced her child, kissing her head. "I know you have always felt you weren't as important as your brother, because his birth was foretold and the reason why I was allowed to marry your father," she added.

Elia leaned into her mother, hugging her gently. "But my darling, you are just as special as him if not more because your birth wasn't prophesied. You were given to me to help heal my broken heart," she said softly.

"How would I ever find that kind of comfort?" Elia asked.

"My heart, like Estel you must find what makes you happy. He found his happiness with Arwen, as difficult as that will be in the future," Gilraen said. Elia closed her eyes. "I do not wish for you to deny yourself true love and happiness because you are unable to bear a child. If anyone, man, Elf, or even Dwarf ever cared for you, that will not matter."

"What if it does to him?" Elia asked.

"Then you know it is not meant to be," Gilraen said.

They stood there silently and Gilraen stroked Elia's long dark hair. She rested her cheek on top of her daughter's head and rubbed her back. All these years and even though Elia was a full-grown woman, she sometimes saw her as the little girl that would run to her with her arms wide open with excitement. Her beautiful daughter that was a true surprise in her life.

When she realized she was carrying another child, Gilraen was terrified as it meant another child for Sauron's followers to hunt down. The day she gave birth and was told she had given birth to a daughter, she felt relief. It had meant that her daughter was least likely to be a target for their enemy as they were looking for a son...an heir. Not a daughter. Even though as Elia grew, she saw that she had the potential to lead. As she held Elia in her arms, she became aware of another truth. Her daughter was too protected by what Rivendell offered. Now that she was exploring the world, she saw her growing into the future leader Gilraen now knew she was becoming her own person. She had a little bit of that shell around her keeping her from reaching her full potential, but once Elia broke through it any enemy in her path would face their own mortality.

That night, Elia was lying awake in her bed staring at the ceiling silently. She rolled onto her side and stared out at the window, looking at the stars that filled the sky. The moonlight rested on the daggers that sat on the chair by the window and let out a deep breath. She couldn't help but let her mind wander back to Mirkwood. The way the trees looked gold when the sun would start to set. The sound the trees made as the breeze would brush through them at night.

Then her mind drifted further to how she and Legolas bonded over the two seasons she spent in Mirkwood. The stories they shared during the days he was not expected to be at his post on the borders. She learned about his mother's death, how she died protecting her only son. They bonded over the loss of a parent and their disgust with orcs. The way they seemed to act as children when they would go riding together, racing each other to no real specific destination. The way his hands felt when he helped steady her bow. The warmth she felt when he would smile at her.

The question she had now was, if she were to tell him the truth of what she could not give him, would he still look at her the same? Would he even want her to stay in Mirkwood or finally dismiss her? Elia pulled the blankets under her chin and let out a heavy breath as she fell into a restless sleep.