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"he never loved you, ion know why you be wanting to visit his ugly ass grave." sherhonda spat as she drove kaizen to his father's grave.
"that's not true." 12 year old kaizen mumbled as he laid his head against the window, playing with the flowers he held in his hand. it was his father's birthday and he wanted nothing more than to see him.
"so you callin' me a fucking liar!?" sherhonda yelled, kaizen rolling his eyes at his tipsy mother. "you ungrateful ass li boy, i could kick y'all asses out and let y'all sleep on the street! but no, i kept y'all even after yo dead ass daddy left! fuck, i should've aborted y'all!" she yelled, banging her hand on the wheel once. kaizen tuned his mother out as they turned into the cemetery.
he hadn't seen the man's grave since last year, only being able to visit on his birthday since sherhonda didn't like driving him here. he would stay as long as he could, not wanting to go home and live in chaos with his mother. it was his only peace besides his brother who was at school at the moment.
"get the fuck out my car!" sherhonda yelled, stopping the car. kaizen listened and quickly hopped out of the car. before he could even shut the door all the way, sherhonda skirted off, leaving him alone at the gravesite. sighing, he turned around and started to walk over to his dad's grave, being mindful of the other decorated ones.
"hey da!" kaizen smiled as he approached his grave. "i missed you so much." he said, sitting the flowers down and taking a seat in front of the grave. kaizen sat in silence as he stared at his father's grave. he felt so many emotions at the moment, he just didn't know how to express them.
"i miss you.." he mumbled, bringing his hand up to touch the grave. "it ain't been the same without and it hurts.. so bad, dada. i can't do it without you and grandma, da. why y'all leave me? why?" he sighed, feelings himself tear up.
"kayden gettin' older and ion know how i'm supposed to raise him all on my own. yo crazy ass wife ain't getting no better, ion even call her ma anymore. she uhm.. be thinking i'm you sometimes.. coming in my room and uh.." kaizen took an abrupt pause. he wasn't sure if he could bring himself to tell anyone about those nights. it was just something he couldn't do.
"anyways, her friends been coming over a lot lately. ion like them, they so mean to me. i hate my life, i wish i could've died with you, da." kaizen let out a broken sob, continuously trying to wipe all of the tears away. the tears that he had been holding in the whole ride. he never let him mom see him cry because it made him feel weak.
"ion wanna live no more, i wanna die! i just wanna die!" he sobbed.
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