perfect souls

Chapter 18

TW. mention of suicidal thoughts,drugs and and self harm.

Theodore martel:

We dropped violat off at her house and drove to the entrance of the woods and walked towards our old tree house.

"what's wrong?" I asked Mattheo as we sat down.

"what do you mean?" he asked already pulling out another cigarette.

"don't act stupid with me, what is going on with you?" I asked once again.

"I had a huge fight with my mom and she threw a glass ornament my way" he finllay said.

I knew things were bad when glass breaks at his house.

His mom was never the type to do things like that even when she's really mad, so something must've really pissed her off.

"what happened?" I asked for what seemed like the millionth time.

"I asked if she had my dad's number he answered.

" why did she get mad tho? "I asked
" she thought that she wasn't enough and that I was leaving her" he confessed

"would you have left her?" I questioned as I pulled a pack of rolled ciggs.

" fuck no!, I'd never leave her I love her more than I love my self" he argued.

"so getting high and cutting your self is a way of showing love?" I argued back.

"don't do that" he said frimley "do what? Say facts" I was starting to lean forward.

"just don't" he leaned forward as well.

"what do you want her to get a call one day at noon from the hospital telling her oh I don't know your son blead himself to death or overdosed?" I finished out of breath.

Mattheo grabbed my shirt I could swear I saw tears forming in his eyes.

"if you truly loved her you would stop, so stop" i poked his chest already feeling really high.

"I'll stop if you stop" he finally offered "you know I won't stop" I told him.

"well I don't wanna get another call from the hospital telling me another friend overdosed" he finally let go of my shirt.

"it's not the same" I said.

"is it?" he looked at me while I took the last drag before turning the joint off.

"let's go home" I said "yeah I think it's better if we stop for the night" he seconded my offer.

Mattheo dropped me home and drove off.

I stared at my watch it read 1:23am.

All the lights were out, so I took my chances and went inside.

Luckily no one was up not even my dad.

Speaking of him he was laying on the couch completely knocked out.

I walked over to him looked at him then took both his shoes off and covered him with a blanket.

Kissed his head and went upstairs.

I climbed out the window onto the roof and took out a joint.

Mattheo must've been real high if he thought that I would give up drugs.

I don't think I can I'm far too gone to be saved now, and to be honest there's nothing in this life to keep me going.

I'm my father's punching bag.

My mother's emotional support son.

My sister's dump bag, where she dumpes all her problems at.

And Mattheo's guide on being a good son.

I sometimes wonder a little on the last one, how am I a good person.

How does Mattheo become a better person by being with me?

How does Maya trust me with all her problems?

I'm not a good person, I really am not.

I looked down from the roof.

Its not far enough.

I sat back and thought again.

What would happen if I died?

How would people react, what if I died now?

No one would know, no one was even up waiting for me to get home.

I know I'm a man now, but still I need someone.

I couldn't breath for a moment.

The moment turned into a minute.

I sat up and a sob broke from my throat.

I was having a panic attack, I can't breathe and no one is here.

I tried to stop it, but no use.

I eventually laid back down and let the pain take over.

I felt the sun come up a little, it was beautiful.

Magnifico.

I closed my eyes for a moment and breathed in the morning air.

I heard a sound come from the house.

So I packed up my 'shit' and went back inside.

I now understand why Mattheo cuts himself.

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Foggy020sheep