Through Love Alone

16: Someone to Lean On

Clara POV:

My eyes flickered open, releasing me out of my short lived sleep. The light showed in full force through my room. It was morning. I was in bed.

That's when I remembered.

I remembered everything. How I had run out. I felt the dull aches of my legs as I moved, trying to stop my ever growing panic. I remembered how Meredith had found me, and put me into her car. How I had yelled at her. How I had cried to her. But that's the last thing I remember. I still had yet to see Addison.

In that moment, panic overtook me. My mind raced towards all of the possibilities of what may have happened last night when I so stupidly allowed myself to fall asleep in the back of the car. How had Addison reacted when I came home? Is she even here, or did she leave too? The time was 9:30. School had begun and she hadn't even woken me.

Tears slowly ran down my now dried out face. I tried to suppress my sobs, attempting to listen for any movement around the house. I wanted to find out as much as I could. I have always needed to know what to expect: what was coming next.

That's when I heard Addison's voice from the room over, as well as the shuffling of footsteps. She was talking to someone quietly, although I couldn't decipher what about. To my surprise, I then heard Meredith's now familiar voice in response.

From that inaudible conversation I could make out two things. Well, rather eliminate two possibilities from the long, long list. One: Addison had not left me here all alone. She was still here. That brings me to my other conclusion, which is more so a fact: Addison is not alone. Meredith is here with her. With us, I suppose. I smiled a bit, adding that to my mental list of observations to report back to Amelia for our secret mission.

I frowned again. Amelia. Amelia might be upset with me too. Now was certainly not the time to be speculating on Addison's love life. Not after I had already betrayed her trust. I wished I could rewind the time: back to Saturday. Back to when we were all gathered around the table as one big family would. I hadn't made a mess of things then. At least not the mess I was in now.

Suddenly, I came to the realization that the background conversation between Meredith and Addison had stopped. The talking was now replaced with footsteps that seemed to be approaching the door. I was proved to be right when the door opened a crack. I turned my head to face the now open door, for my tear streaked face to be met by Addison's.

She had a stern expression on her face. My heart ached for the smile I had grown used to. I felt my heart race as she made her way over to me, yet to say anything. I prepared for the worst. To be hit. To be told to pack my bags.

But of course, that's not what Addison did.

She arrived at the foot of the bed and sat down, still in her nightgown. She gently pulled me onto her lap, holding me as I felt small droplets fall from her eyes and onto my neck.

"I'm so sorry, Addison," I began to cry. It felt awful seeing her upset. Even more so knowing I was the one who made her this way. "I'm sorry," I continued to repeat.

"You're here, ok?" She said, pulling back to look me in the eyes, forcing a smile through her tears. "That's all that matters. You're here and I love you, okay?"

"I love you too," I said aloud.

And that was the truth. The blue eyes that looked down on me felt like home now. The truth was that I was too scared to lose them on someone else's terms.

"Is Meredith still here?" I asked after a bit of quiet.

"Yea, she spent the night last night," she answered.