one step forward

drops of her tears

VALERIE'S POV

my friends and i were flying back to barcelona after our incredible trip to italy. i liked it so much, but my overthinking habit came to me again. while i was in italy, i didn't pay much attention to my problems and thoughts. thanks to my friends, actually.

but when i got in the plane, i was overwhelmed with my thoughts. only a few people knew, how difficult it is for me: think about everything every time.

first of all, i kissed almost a stranger. what did i think about doing it? i went against my own principles because i consider kisses as something special. i have never kissed anyone i didn't love. but this time everything went wrong. i just can't let this situation go. my hands started to shake a little, but it's quite normal for me, when i remember something, that hurt me. i was hurt not so much by the drunken kiss itself, but by the actions of this man. again and again i face with abuse actions and hate myself more and more for it. what did i do to deserve it? my wounds from old relationships have not yet healed, but new ones have been added to them. i looked out the window of the plane, at the clouds and the sky and tried not to cry, but it didn't work out for me. i think my quite sobs were heard.

my mental health was getting worse. but not only it. i ate almost nothing the whole trip and dropped three kilos in four days. my unhealthy joy in losing weight scared me, but, unfortunately, i couldn't do anything about it.

***

when we landed in my favourite city ever, i felt sad and happy at the same time. i wanted to stay in italy for a little bit more, but i was missing my parents, lucas, xavi, soph and.. gavi? yeah, i felt like i wanted to see his face again. our hatred was quite passionate, to be honest. and moments, that happened to us.. him being careful for me? it is quite cute?

stop, valerie! you should get out of your head someone, who definitely doesn't think about you.

***

"valerie!!" my mum called me, while i was waiting for them with my friends near the airport.

"mum, how are you?" i hugged her and then my eyes stopped at dad and lucas.

"dad, lucas, hi!"

"val, how was italy? we missed you being angry in the mornings" said lucas, laughing at my reaction.

"lucas" i made this "death" stare, but immediately laughed at his joke. i love my family.

after my bags were in the car, i said goodbye to my friends. i hugged them all one by one. i am so thankful to have them!

"will see each other soon" mikky told me, giving me a hug.

"of course!"

***

"yo, valerie!" soph ran to me and hugged me, lifting me up in her arms. with the happiest look ever, by the way!

"sophieeee" i was almost screaming her name, while i was in her arms.

after our greeting we went to the cafe, which was situated near my house. we chose it because i needed to prepare for today's official dinner.

***

"so, how was your trip?" she asked me with curios look.

"hmm, with what should i start with?" a lot of things happened, to be honest.

"what happened?" now, when she heard me talking about the trip like that, she was intrigued and even worried.

"let's start with the kiss"