one step forward

pablo, are you here?

"day 91.

i miss old me. i miss my home. i miss my loved ones. lucas, i miss you and love you madly. you are my forever big bro, you will always stay here by my side. pedri, you are one of my best friends, your talent is just unbelievable, you will succeed, i know, and i hope, that your life without me goes even better than before. aleyna, you have become my best friend, without any words, a very important person in my life. i miss you and hope, that your life is full of wonderful moments and love, you deserve it. pablo, my love. i miss you, i miss your smell, your talent, your voice, your touch, your love. if i could, i would give all my happiness to you. be happy, my pablo, i love you. and i will never stop loving.

valerie."

i never thought, that i would try this method of absorbing pain, but i did it. i tried to resist to the last, but my pain and feelings took over.

people, who have never had anything to do with drugs or something like that are unlikely to understand me, but the first time you just enter this pool, they make the biggest contribution to your life. it is literally divided into "before" and "after". at first, you feel great! you think, that everything in this world is under your control, that you are the smartest and best person in the world. your thoughts get deeper and deeper, you start looking far beyond. i didn't listen to advice and also went into this pool, which ruined my life. but at that moment it was the only rescue i could find.

***

"want more, baby?" jake asked me, holding something in his hands.

"mhm" i nodded weakly, because i was already not in a good condition, so to speak. but i liked the fact, that in this state my thoughts didn't haunt me and i could relax and forget about everything and everyone.

the forbidden substance entered my body with another dose, i felt inspired and my thoughts became confused. i saw only silhouettes, jake and his friends were walking next to me and laughing probably at me. but i didn't care.

i began to remember all the people in my life and the first flashback was a conversation with one girl, who tried to save me.

***

FLASHBACK

VALERIE'S POV

i was sitting alone on the balcony of the house, where our whole company met once again. jake introduced me to his friends, telling and showing everyone, that i was now an inseparable part of his life. funny. i was now also a part of a terrible company, but i didn't care about myself, my condition, my health, and in general, everything. i haven't talked with my loved ones for about a month and i think, that they live better without me.

"your first time?" i heard someone's whispers, that broke the silence, in which i was sitting.

"no" i answered her.

"oh yeah, i forgot, that you are dating jake. you probably already tried everything forbidden with him" she told me again and sat down next to me, indicating with her hand, that i should put a cigarette in it. so i shared some killing force with her.

we sat in silence for a while longer, but she ruined it again.

"darling, i don't advise you to communicate with them anymore, especially with jake. do you see what he turns you into?"