one step forward

good revenge

"day 95

he still didn't answer me. i love him, but he doesn't need me anymore.

valerie."

when we learn, life remains like a big possibility. learning can be anything - a new language, dancing, sports, baking, painting or something else. when we learn new things, the world don't seem to be so cruel and it opens up to show us many more opportunities and make us happy. so i chose my new hobby too - playing a new instrument.

every time when it was too hard for me, i woke up during the middle of the night and came to my piano. this nights was not an exception. i stood up from jake's bed and my head was full of different emotions and thoughts. i cried, but still came to my new favorite thing - piano. it saved me many times before.

i started playing the tune as blood ran down my arms. blood game, interesting experience.

he still hasn't answered me, even though almost a week has passed, so i realized for sure, that he no longer needs me. i tried not to cry even more, but emotions took their toll. i think it's time for me to say goodbye to my love for him forever.

***

music has always been a big part of my life, whenever i listen to it, i get goosebumps and my thoughts become more inspired. this time the music was not quiet, but the opposite, loud, noisy and cheerful. i was at the party.

i remember how parties used to be something interesting for me, something that could make me happier on a normal weekday. i had fun with my friends: mikky, sira, aleyna, pedri, frenkie, ale, other guys from the team and, of course, with pablo. our parties have always been so funny!

this time the party was just another excuse to get drunk and.. you understand what else to do.

"want more?" jake asked me, holding a glass of something alcohol in his hand.

"no, it's enough" i answered and tried to leave, but he stopped me with his touch. his hand was now on my back.

"i love you, baby" actually, these words didn't sound like truth at all.

"mhm" that's all i answered, being in his arms now. he hugged me and i got flashback. again.

***

FLASHBACK

"i love you so much, my val" pablo smiled and touched valerie's nose.

at a loud party full of people, he still paid attention only to her.

"i love you more, pablo. but i need to.." she pulled away from his hug, even though she didn't want to do it, and stood up. she wanted to leave, but he didn't let her to.

his touch made her feel goosebumps on her whole body. his hand was now on her back.

"stay" pablo whispered this to his love, while she was smiling at him. and, of course, she stayed.

***

"you look so hot" jake said this one more time this evening and i felt so uncomfortable.

his friends and him drank a lot of alcohol and when they all were already really drunk, jake asked me to dance with him. i didn't want, but i needed to say yes, because if i had refused, it would have been much worse for me.