The Lost Time Lord (A Doctor Who/Tenth Doctor Fanfiction)

Chapter Twenty-Eight: Black Holes and Card Catalogs

~~~Doctor~~~

Rose and I sat at one of the tables in the Sanctuary habitation area. The crew of Sanctuary 6 were settling down for dinner, and I was absently rolling my fingers over a hairpin that I'd pulled from my pocket. 

"What's that then?" Rose asked, pulling the pin from my hand. I shrugged, folding my arms on the table top.

"One of Mary's hair pins, from before," I explained, "She was taking her hair down in that warehouse office, so she just handed the pins off to me."

Rose nodded, glancing down at the pin that now sat in her hand. 

"She did look beautiful like that, didn't she?" She asked, leaning her chin in her hand.  I nodded slowly as she placed it back in my palm. "You're really worried about her."

"She's trapped down there, alone." I pointed out. "She's only here because of me, because I promised to help her figure out who she is, and now she might die, alone, in the TARDIS, without ever knowing the answer." 

"I don't think you're giving her enough credit." She said quietly. "I'm telling you, she's brilliant. I mean, she's basically the female version of you, I know she'll figure it out."

Rose's words triggered the memory of the conversation we'd just had a couple of hours earlier. 

"I'm just another you, and sometimes I feel like you look right through me." 

"No, she's not me..." I said quietly, glancing at the pin again, "she's better than me."

Rose furrowed her eyebrows at this.

"Seriously, what was going on when I came back?" She questioned. "It sounded a bit like an argument."

I shook my head as I recalled the ridiculous notions that Mary had proposed.

"She thinks I'm in love with you," I explained, "She thinks that she's just an unnecessary distraction from you and I being together." 

She stared at me for a long moment, and I quickly realized my mistake.

I wasn't in love with Rose. Maybe there was a time when I was, back in my previous regeneration. But somewhere along the line, that had changed...maybe it was this new regeneration or maybe it was just...

Mary. It was Mary...the girl with the firey hair and the matching personality, who'd been completely unimpressed by me since the very beginning. The girl who made me realize the affect that I have on people...who made me see that the people I travel with don't see me as simply an ally, a partner, a friend. To them, I'm so mythical creature right out of a story book, who dropped into their black-and-white worlds and introduced them to color for the first time. 

But Mary, she doesn't see me that way. We're the same. She gives me credit when credit is due, and she tells me off when I'm wrong. If I'm being an idiot, she has no problem saying so. She's the perfect mix of intelligence and emotion. She knows when to think and when to feel, and for the first time since I started travelling, I feel like a real person. I'm not an idol or a hero...I'm not even 'The Doctor', I'm just...me.

But the reality of the situation is that I do have an effect on the people that I travel with...and even if I am not in love with Rose...

She's in love with me. 

I glanced at her as I realized my slip up, bracing myself for impact as it sunk in that I'd probably hurt her feelings. She simply shook her head, glancing down at the marker drawings on the tabletop. 

"You don't have to worry about me, Doctor," She said quietly, tracing one of them with her index finger, "I pretty much knew I'd lost you the second she showed up in that school."