Freen&Becky (I need you more than I want to) S2

Self-harm (part two)

BECKY'S POV

I screamed really loud. Letting it all out.

"Freeny I hurt myself okay. I thought I had defeated my self-harm but it's still inside of me.

After you left me, I felt really low. I fell to the lowest part of the bottomless well.

I hurt myself because I felt like I wasn't good enough.

I felt like If I was even a little bit better than what I am, you wouldn't have left me.

You would have stayed by my side but I wasn't good enough for you. I wasn't good enough for anybody.

Those feelings of low self esteem came back to the surface after you left.

Freeny you're the best thing that ever happened to me. You're the only one who makes me feel special.

You're my pride. I mean, many girls and guys allover the world wants you.

Billions of people are dying to have you even just for a minute but I got you all to myself.

You looked at all those people but still chose me. Do you know how special I felt.

To have become the girlfriend of the one and only FREEN SAROCHA CHANKIMHA.

I was so proud and my worth which I thought was little to nothing, became like a billion dollars.

Freeny, you made me feel so high. I was soaring so so high as an eagle but then you left.

You left me without any sign and without any warning. Freeny you left me and that eagle fell.

I fell so high and hard down to the bottom of the bottomless well again.

My demons caught up to me again.

I felt like I was a nobody again

I felt like I didn't deserve to be in this world again.

Freeny because you left, I felt like I needed to punish myself again.

And so I started hurting myself again.

I'm sorry I didn't tell you about it. And believe me when I say it's not your fault that I went back to it.

I should have spoken out. I should have asked for help, instead I was dying in silence. I was crying already,  filled with guilt, regret and embarrassment.

What will Freeny think of me now.  How will she see me now.

Her love for me will start deterorating and soon, she'll no longer want me anymore.

Sooner than later, she'll no longer love me.

I cried even harder as the thought of loosing Freeny  again came running through my mind.

"Oh Becky, it's okay baby stop crying. I'm really sorry for not sticking by your side.

I left you to go through all of this by yourself. Becky I'm really sorry." She said as she hugged me tight.

"But Becky that habit is not good. What if you hurt yourself badly and risk your life." She continued.

"Don't be scared. I won't commit suicide. I only hurt myself. Not planning to kill myself. If that's what you mean." I said trying to reduce her worries.