Fall Apart

Chapter 34

Lucas and I went to the airport a couple days later and while we were waiting I was texting Sarah, she said we would meet at our childhood house tomorrow near lunch for the final viewing and read our letters together and then the funeral would be held the day after. She also said the floral décor and the casket had arrived and I had chosen well. We got to our hotel room late at night and it was raining. Lucas went straight to sleep but I couldn't. I just stood at the window watching the rain while crying, my mom loved the rain. I looked up and saw the moon, she was the only one that I could believe when they said they loved me there and back.

The next day Lucas and I take an Uber to the house. Sarah was already waiting on the doorstep. I hurried straight to her and hugged her. 

"I couldn't go in without you, it would have just been too hard," she said, before hugging Lucas and then taking my hand as we went inside together. 

I knew that going through the house was going to be hard but I didn't know it would be THIS hard. First we went into mom's bedroom. Sarah and I looked at each other with teary eyes, the same memory had come to us. The record player was still there from when mom had danced with us for hours to distract us, it was the morning of "Bring Your Father to School Day" so mom let us stay home. 

Next we went to my bedroom, everything was still the same. The long pink curtains, wallpaper, my pink zebra print bed covers and black nightstands.  The karaoke machine in the corner and my desk with my green chair. On my desk is still a picture of Zay and I when we were around 10 or 12, and empty candy wrappers.  I still remember the moment so clearly. My mom had just gotten her paycheck from the diner and instead of using it on her she split it between Sarah and I, and Zay and I being the kids we were, we instantly ran down to the sweet shop and bought a bucket load of candy. 

Then we went into Sarah's bedroom, she said everything was the same as when she was last in here. On her desk is an empty jar of Pick n Mix sweets and a picture of her and her best friend from her childhood Carly. Her blue cloud bed covers and blue and green wallpaper with short green curtains. 

Next we went into the kitchen, we both remembered how we would race in every morning before school and checked down on the calendar how many days until the summer. Then we headed into the dining room, and had flashbacks of every birthday. You would come home to a freshly baked cake with your name written on it in your favorite color. Then mom would hug you as your sister and her would sing happy birthday to you. Then mom would cut the cake for you so you don't get hurt, no matter how old you got. The living room had to be the hardest because there were still pictures up of her. All the pictures on the same walls looks like she just went to the store, and I had to pinch myself to convince myself that she's not coming back. We all sat down on the couch and I remembered my first sleepover with Riley. I looked into the mirror and even with my red puffy face, it made me miss her more. Lastly we went outside. The rope swing was still limply hanging from the tree and there was a large pile of leaves. Even though the grass was really overgrown, mom was never a gardener, it was still perfect to Sarah and I because we spent so much time with mom in it. 

We went back inside and Sarah and I just sat there trying not to cry while Lucas comforted us, until there was a knock on the door. We opened it and the mortician was standing there. The viewing will be starting soon. The funeral director set up the viewing and the mortician made mom look presentable, but wouldn't let us see her until the viewing officially started. People started arriving. First was Auntie Sandrine with Ava, Kayla, Jade and Lexy. Ava ran straight to me and I gave her the biggest hug, then I introduced her to Lucas. The viewing was about to start and Ava was still with us.

"Maya, mom says we have to go now. Can you pinky promise that we will have a playdate when you aren't sad anymore? Lucas can come too!" Ava said and I nodded and gave her my pinky before she ran off to her mom and sisters.