HEART LIKE YOURS | H.POTTER

LILY POTTER

LILLY POTTER

warning: Talk of suicide and depression

SIX MONTHS AFTER ALBUS'S BIRTH

Depression was something Diana had dealt with since the death of her father. Some days were good, she was happy and smiling, and others were dark and sad. As much as she wanted to be with her fathers, mother, and brothers, ending her life wasn't an option.

It never got to that point, but there was a time when she wanted to end it all. She wanted to die, but she was afraid of dying. Taking that first step of ending it all, just ending the pain she felt from her parents and brothers' deaths and living without the painful reminders of them.

The nightmares didn't get any better, neither did the sleepless nights. Staying awake, her brain won't shut off. Thinking of everything that was wrong with her life, every death that she witnessed, wondering if there were any way she could have prevented it.

Sammy's death was one that she could never get over, after years since his death she never recovered from it. It was stitched into her mind, replaying it over and over again like a broken record. The knife that was stuck in his stomach, the blood seeping out of the wound. His troubled breaths to his last breaths.

It was like a dark cloud was covering her, her body felt heavy and tired. She felt lost and alone, even with all her family around her, her children, and her husband. She didn't want to get out of bed or leave the house.

And Harry, oh Harry, he was a saint during these times she felt like this. He knew how hard it was, dealing with it himself. So he left her to stay in bed as he took care of their children and kept the house running. Diana was appreciative of him, but it did make her feel guilty for leaving him with everything.

Her postpartum depression was hitting her hard after the birth of Albus. Harder than when she had Sam and James. It was nearing the anniversary of her father's death and she was already dealing with the anniversary of the war, the death of her brothers, and the death of her parents. She hopes that something won't happen to make everything fall apart.

But something did.

"No, no, no," Diana whispered, her hand clamped over her mouth. "Merlin no,"

A pregnancy test was clutched in her free hand, two tiny pink lines taunting her. She didn't want another baby, especially six months after her horrible pregnancy with Albus. She and Harry agreed to stop after three, but fate wasn't in her hands.

It all broke down, she let out a sob collapsing onto her knees. Her hands clutched her chest as pain filled it, she couldn't breathe. Her chest felt tight like an elephant was sitting on it. She gasped for air, her sobs growing louder and louder. The pregnancy test clattered on the ground sounding like a bullet hitting metal.