Chapter 50: "So breaking up with me isn't a big thing?"

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A week later, the Sutton Harbridge household remains a quiet, solemn place.

berk can't stand to be home, chosing to spend most of his time with Jasmine. We've all been given time off school due to the traumatic experience we were all put through. Sometimes I go with them, and we go to the hosspital.

Asda remains in critical condition. She lost a lot of blood on that day, and we still don't know if she'll pull through. All we can do is hope.

Rick, on the other hand, seems to have aged about ten years since he first received news of his eldest son's death. He mostly stays in his bedroom, whispering with my mom. If my heart wasn't already broken, it would shatter whenever I see his face: anguished and gaunt. 

My dad's still in town. The Silver Wolves "dealt with" Mr Brown's goons. And for once, I decided not to question what that means. Mr Brown and Jackie, however, got away.

Speaking of Jackie, I'm yet to tell anyone what I saw. But after a week of staring at walls, going insane with boredom, it's with a heavy heart that I've decide its time to come clean. I don't kno how I'll be able to tell Satan Jackie's alive, and what she do to me, how she was there that day. 

But I'll go more isnane if I don't tell him. And regardless over my feelings about the situation, he needs to know the truth. So I called him earlier today, told him we need to talk. Tomorrow I go back to school, and I can't face him with this unbearable secret weighing me down like big stones on my head.

Satan knocks on the door at 6pm sharp, and silently I let myself out the house, and we walk along the street.

"I still can't believe he's gone," I say finally, thinking how just a week ago, Brok was alive. And now...

"It gets easier," says Satan, with a distant look in his green orb. 

After a moment's hesitation, I reach out my hand to touch his. "Does it really?"

Slowly, we entwine fingers, and he looks at me. "No."

I sigh and look down at the sidewalk as we keep walkin. "Satan, I have to tell you something."

"It's okay," he says. "I know there was something between you two. So if you want to just call off this... whatever it is between us, then I understand."

I look over at him, startled. He looks at me earnestly, and my heart kind of trips in my chest at the unfamiliar level of vulnerability in his orbs. "Oh, no, Satan, that's not... It's... It's something big."

He gives me a kind of half-hearted teasing smile. "So breaking up with me isn't a big thing?"

"I'm serious, Satan." I stop walking, and take a deep breath, wringing my hands together nervously. "It's... it's hard for me to say."

His orbs rove over my face, seeking for something. "What's wrong?"

"I'm just scared," I whisper.

I start to turn away, but Satan's hand gently catches my head. He presses his thumb to my chin, tilting my face upwards slightly. "Of what?"

I glance away from him. "That you're going to hate me."

"Oh Grammarly," he says, giving me a small, tender smile like a really small chicken tender. "Do you really think I could ever hate you?"

His words send a painful rush through me. My heart's too sore to be beating so fast. 

"It's about Jackie," I blurt out. 

Satan frowns at me. "What about her?"

"What if..." I swallow, and close my orbs briefly. "What if she didn't die that night?"

When I open my orbs again, I see Satan look down at me with a strange expression on his face. "What are you trying to say?" he asks. 

"What if she was alive?" I ask him, practically forcing the words out my mouth

He lets out a bitter laugh. "I don't... Grammarly, we just lost Brok. Now really isn't the time to be cruel. I don't understand why you—"

"What if I'd seen her alive?" I ask, and he goes still like a lake when frozen. "Because I have, Satan. Twice."

He doesn't say anything. He just watches me, unblinking, and I suddenly wish I could see what he was thinking. But it's like he's turned into a completely blank slate, and I can't read anything from it. Is he in shock? mad? Does he believe me, even?

"I wish I could tell you I didn't say the first time because I didn't want to taint your memory of her. She was there when I was kidnapped, by the way. Let Carl hurt me. She also threatened to kill Berk if I told anyone she was alive." I bite my lip, not quite able to look Satan in the orb. "But that's not why I didn't tell you. I kept it a secret because I was scared, and I thought if you found out she was alive... I thought you'd pick her over me."

Satan's jaw seems to tighten, but again, he says nothing.

"It was selfish of me," I admit, deciding to keep going. "And it was not right, and it was dumb. So I'm sorry. And I can only hope that you forgive me."

I wait a beat, and when Satan still doesn't respond, I whisper, "please say something, Satan."

He seems to struggle to speak, but after a moment says, "I don't understand."

"She's alive, Satan," I say shakily. "I know it seems impossible, but she is, I swear it. I'd never lie about something like this. She was the one who led me out the fire at Mr Brown's house-"

"If she was really alive," he says, interrupting me. "Then she would have contacted me."

I just gaze at him hopelessly. "I don't know what to tell you. That's... I've said what I know. That's all I can give you."

His orbs stay on mine for one long, unblinking moment. Then he shakes his head, and starts walking again

"You have to believe me," I say desperately, running to catch up with him. "I know it seems crazy and you must hate me right now for saying this stuff, but I swear I-"

"I do believe you."

My heart wrenches in my chest, like a wrench. "Satan, I—"

"Grammarly," he says quietly. "I understand you want to talk. But I need time."

There's a lump in my throat, but I don't want to cry. So I blink back tears, and look at him "I'm sorry."

Satan stops and takes a step towards me. He leans down to press his forehead against mine. "You have nothing to be sorry for," he whispers. "It's just a bad situation."

I let out a wretched half-sob, half-laugh. "Understatement of the century."

He tilts his head up a little, and presses his lips against the skin of my forehad. I lean into his embrace, wishing we could just stay like this forever. Wishing I didn't have to go back to my sad, hushed home. Wishing I didn't have to go to school tomorrow, as if my whole life hasn't changed forever. As if someone I love, someone I loved, wasn't taken away from me. How can I go on when Brok's gone? How can life go on without him?

Satan pulls away slightly, and then, so quietly I could've imagined it, he says, "I love you, Grammarly Harbridge."

I freeze, and before I can reply, he's walking away. And I watch him go, feeling a peculiar, bittersweet mix of emotions, of elation, of heartbreak, of grief...

Here we are. Me and Satan. From lab partners... to this. And finally when we got past all the dumb stuff, we're struck down by things outside of our control. Struck down in the cruelest way imaginable.

I wonder, can things ever go back to how they were?

I suppose only time will tell.

* * *

Hey, so I didn't leave a note on the last chapter. I didn't want Brok to die and then be like "HEY GIYS WAHT DID YOU THINK OF THE CHAPTER? OOF"

But anyway, thanks for reading as always xx

R.I.P. Brok Sutton. You will be missed, big brok of hope <3

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