47: son of a- sorry captain

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⚠️tw: Thinking and talking about SH⚠️

Y/n's pov:

I luckily only had a very few scenes to film, but I waited on Sebastian, who had a good amount more than me.

"Evans, do you think I could maybe get some blueberries or something?" I asked. I really wanted to try if I could just eat a little, I mean, just the tiniest amount would make me proud.

"Oh yeah, we have some mixed nuts," He said and grabbed a bag.
"That's fine, thank you," i said, unsure.
He grabbed a permanent marker and drew over the calories.

"Thank you, Chris," I said and hugged him as he handed me the bag.
He's so kind-hearted and would never hurt a fly if it wasn't on accident.
He does be tripping over a lot.

"You're welcome, honey," He said and gave me a gentle squeeze before sitting down in his chair.

I opened the bag and shut my eyes closed. The air puffed smelled salty.
I took a deep breath and poured some nuts into my hand.

I had a voice in the back of my mind, my biological mothers voice saying whenever I eat 'you can do it honey, I know you can' but often it's over voiced by the voice saying that I should just throw it away, but this time, mom's voice shined over the bad one.

I toik a deep breath and started chewing on the nut mix.
I felt more and more proud, but I was the most proud when i actually finished the little bag.

"Hey, were they good, I'm wondering whether or whether not I should take a bag," Brie asked.
I looked up at her  with a smile.

"Yeah, they're amazing," I said gently.
She walked behind me and went over to grab a bag.
She quickly opened it and ate some of  it.

"Oh, you were right. These are amazing," she said, still chewing on them.
I smiled even brighter.
I finally ate something without either forcing myself to throw up, throw up, or think about just throwing it all up.

I was getting better, right? Just a tiny amount, one step at the time, right?

"Hey honey, are you feeling alright?" Lizzie asked, putting her hand gently on my thigh close to my knee.

I turned my head to her.
"I'm amazing, wanna know something cool?!" I squeaked. Lizzie let out a laugh.

"Yeah, what is it, honey?" She asked with a smile. I grabbed the empty bag.
"I ate the whole bag!" She smiled brightly.

"Did they taste good?" She asked with a laugh. But then the sudden realization hit. I ate a whole bag of nut mix.

"Hey, no y/n" she got my attention, she was smiling.
"Don't be afraid to take steps, sometimes you fall, and it will hurt for a little while, but even as a baby, you got up again," she said and grabbed my hand.

"I'm proud of you, even if you get a backlash cause no road to success is not bumpy." I smiled and hugged her.

"Thank you, mamma Ingalls." she laughed and hugged me back.
It was her way of telling me that it was gonna be all okay.

"Elizabeth, we need you!" She smiled and squeezed my hand before getting up.

She kissed my head before she left.
I opened Instagram, and my heart sank to the floor.

It got buried 6 feet under.

_________________________________________

Quinn_Harley:Costume parties aren't that bad now, huh? Little Joker!Tagged: Jack_fredson10k comment/ 23 likes

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Quinn_Harley:
Costume parties aren't that bad now, huh? Little Joker!
Tagged: Jack_fredson
10k comment/ 23 likes

Scarlettj: Wait, what? Isn't that y/ns girlfriend?


Y/nfangroupss: How could you do that, Quinn?!


Griffin_the.eaglelion: Quinn you son of a bitch! How dare you!

_________________________________________

I looked up from the screen and saw Scarlett walking over to me.
"Honey I'm so sorry for you" she said removing a strand of hair.

"That son of a-" Evans cut me off by saying.

"Y/n watch your language please" Scarlett let out a gentle laugh.

"Sorry captain" I giggled.
Scarlett hugged me with the biggest bear hug to ever exsist.
"you okay?" She whispered into my ear.

"It's okay Scarlett I'm okay" I lied.

I really wanted to cut again, I really wanted to see blood run down my arm, and feel that pain, and feel that dizziness now.

But I can't just tell them can I?

"Love, come on, stand up" Scarlett whispered, gently padding me.
I stood up so she gently grabbed my hand and escorted me to her car.

"Baby are you really okay? It's just you and me, and well that spider right there" she laughed as she noticed it.

"Let me get it real quick" she grabbed a piece of tissue and gently took it outside of the car.
I looked away with misty eyes.

"Baby, no one needs to know except the two of us, not Sebastian, not Lizzie, not Evans, not even God has to know" she promised.

I shakingly breathed out.
She put her hand on my cheek and gently made me look at her.

I bit down in my cheek.
"Honey don't do that" she said gently.
I couldn't stop I still was biting my cheeks.

"Y/n talk to me" she demanded.
I opened my mouth but nothing came out.

As soon as I felt her whole body warmth on my body a sob came out.
Scarlett let a tear drop but no more than one.

"I'm sorry Scarlett" I said as I released her from my hug.
"Don't be, it's all alright" she said and wiped tears from my face.

She kissed my forhead.
"I wanted to do it again" I somewhat mumbled. I played gently with my fingers as I looked down.

She gently placed her hand on mine.
"Cutting?" She asked with a questioning face. I let my face land calmly on her shoulder.

"Baby, it's okay" she said, she squeezed my hand gently.
"Thank you for trusting me" Scarlett kindly said.

"Do you want me to tell Sebastian, so he can keep an eye on you or do you want it to be our secret?" She gently asked. I wanted to tell Sebastian myself.

He deserved to know that I trusted him.
"That's alright baby" Scarlett said with a smile.

She sat with me until I had calmed down again.
"I think we will call it a day" Scarlett smiled as she told me it.

Scarlett texted Sebastian to come to her car. And not even five minutes after, he arrived.

"You alright?" He asked me. I nodded and put my head into his stomach and my arms around his body.

"Yeah, sebby," I giggled and just hugged him tighter.

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