𝐒𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐊𝐒 𝐅𝐋𝐘 ᵇᵘᵈᵈⁱᵉ

fifteen

3-17-23

"hey, babe," Eddie smiled as he walked into the bathroom where Buck was getting ready for work. 

he wouldn't chicken out this time. he would push through it, especially after yesterday.

"hi," Buck smiled, pulling his shirt on.

"are you excited," Eddie asked softly, look at his boyfriends crystal blue eyes.

Buck nodded eagerly, genuinely happy to be going back, but so sad to leave his kids.

"my parents want to come visit next week," Eddie told him, suddenly nervous.

Bucks heart stopped.

"they wanna meet you and Julia, and see Chris. i told them i needed to talk to you first," Eddie grabbed his hand.

"do they know," Buck whispered.

Eddie shook his hand, "they know you were attacked, but the shouldn't know about the sexual assault," Eddie assured him, but he wasn't convinced.

"what if they think we're moving to fast," Buck asked, hopping on the bathroom counter.

Eddie pushed his legs apart and stood between them, "we've been best friends for over a year, you practically lived here before we even started dating, you were already like Christopher's other dad, people had mistaken us for dating on multiple occasions," Eddie smiled, making Buck smiled and put his arms around Eddie's neck.

"we just threw some sex in the mix and made ourselves more official," Eddie added on, kissing Bucks lips. Buck smiled against his lips. it lead to a short make out and until they heard the front door open.

"lovebirds," Carla shouted. you could hear her smile.

they both Chuckled and walked out.

"okay, come give us some love before we leave for work," Eddie and Buck opened their arms and the kids dove in them.

Once they said bye to the kids and Carla, they grabbed their bags and got into Eddie's truck.

"how do you feel about the other night," Eddie sounded nervous, to say the least.

what if Buck regretted it?

what if he wasn't into it?

Bucks body tensed up, how did he feel about it?

he didn't regret it, but he kinda felt...guilty?

"i-i'm not sure," he whispered quietly, not daring to make eye contact with Eddie as he began the drive to work.

"i didn't pressure you or anything... did i?" Eddie asked him softly, looking at him as they stopped at a red light.

"what? no, Eddie- what?" Buck focused at what he just said. Eddie would never pressure Buck. "no, you didn't pressure me, don't ever think that. i'm comfortable enough with you to tell you no and you actually listen."

Eddie sighed but nodded. disregarding what Buck just said, he still felt like he hurt Buck in some way that night. if he didn't pressure him, what was he not sure about?

Buck quickly put his hand on Eddie's thigh, squeezing it softly, "you didn't pressure me, Eddie. i felt safe with you, all my worries left with you," he smiled at his boyfriend, trying to reassure him that he was okay.

"then what was wrong," Eddie tried to swallow the lump in his throat, but he couldn't. what if the guy he was in love with, wasn't into him the way they both thought?

Buck heard the anxiety, "baby, it was perfect. okay? amazing. you were perfect," He told Eddie, "but i physically don't know." he sighed. he couldn't explain what he was feeling.

"maybe, you should talk about what happened. like obviously we know what happened but maybe like... in detail. it might help you, whether it be to a therapist, Bobby, me," Eddie replied, looking at Buck who only shook his head no.

"why not, mi amor," Eddie asked softly.

"i don't want y'all to know! it's humiliating! why couldn't i get him off, Eddie? i just let him do whatever he wanted. i let her do anything she wanted. it's like i just- i gave up. i don't want anyone to know how weak i am," Buck told him as tears entered his eyes.

"Mi querido, no. you're not week at all, don't say that. your body is gonna do whatever the brain tells it to do, fight or flight response. you froze, and that's okay, it's what kept him from killing you." Eddie argued with Buck, but in a gentle way as he pulled into the firehouse.

"Eddie, he—he hit me, he beat me and continued to while i was crying on the floor. he put his knees on both sides of me to keep me from moving and pulling my shirt off and smelt me. he called you a faggot. then you texted me," he tears falling down his face while he and Eddie talked.

not caring that they were gonna be late for work.

"he took my phone outta my pocket and squeezed my ass. he put tape over my mouth and said this the guy and his kids and then he got so close to my face and said cute kids, just imagine what i'm gonna do to all of them when i'm done with you," Buck said, really low, like he didn't want anyone else to hear.

Eddie grabbed his hands and Buck looked up at him, "Oh, Evan," Eddie whispered, wiped the tears away with his thumb.

"he read your text can i come over later me corazón," Buck whispered. why did he just listen to Bobby?

"i tried so hard, Eddie but it wasn't enough! he took pictures of me after saying how pretty i was. like i was some kind of prize he won," Buck cried and Eddie pulled him into a hug, a tight hug.

Buck crawled into his lap, hiding his face in his neck. he remembered every single detail and he hated it. it made his stomach turn.

"he said he was gonna have so much fun with me and he gripped all over my body so tight. he pulled the tape off of my mouth and said i wanna hear your cries. no matter what i did he wouldn't get off! it hurt so bad. he tore my jeans off. he carved faggot on my arm and flipped me on my stomach an—and pulled my boxers off, doing the same to him self. everything hurt so bad. i tried to scream but nothing came out,"Buck sobbed into Eddie's neck, getting his tears all over his shirt.

"he forced himself inside of me. fuck! Eddie it hurt. it still hurts. i can still feel him. he told me i'd never think about kissing another man again. he smooshed face into the floor until he was done then he continued to hit me. that's the last think i remember. the doctors said he ripped me and how i was—" Buck had to pause as he stopped his lip from quivering, "bleeding," he tried to say without his voice cracking, but he betrayed himself.

in a weird way, Buck felt better. like a weight was lifted off his shoulders.

"mi querido, i love you so much," Eddie pulled Bucks face away from his shoulder, caressing Bucks cheek with his thumb. he felt guilty.

Buck only kissed him. he kissed him softly. his hands were on his face and his knees were on either side of him, straddling his lap as they softly made out in the drivers side.

"why is everything about you so perfect," Buck whispered, pressing their foreheads together.