5-6-23
Eddie had tried going to the firehouse multiple times that last week and a half, but each time he chickened out, not leaving the house. it was too painful, but Eddie was supposed to go back to work today. he had almost a two weeks off, every time he thought he was ready, he couldn't leave the driveway.
Eddie sat in the passenger seat of his truck while Buck got in the drivers side.
"can i put my hand here," Evan asked softly, hovering his hand over Eddie's thigh. Eddie's stomach started turning at the thought of it, remembering how John put his hands on his thighs, gripping them tight.
he pushed through the thought and nodded slowly, gripping the door handle, but he immediately felt a sense of comfort. no danger was near him.
he put his hand on Bucks, rubbing his thumb on it. another spot Buck could add to his list of where Eddie allowed him to touch.
his bruises were almost faded, especially on his neck. he was getting some color back, but not all considering he hadn't been eating much.
"i'm scared, Evan," He admitted a few minutes into the drive, looking at Buck as he drove up to a red light.
"i know, baby, it's gonna be okay. if you're not ready we leave, okay?" Evan reassured him, rubbing his thumb on his thigh.
Eddie sighed, "why is this so hard? i wanna go back to work more than anything but i just want to lay in bed with you all day now."
"well, my love, it happened at the firehouse, you have to face it before you even think about working, that's what we're doing today." Buck told him, turning left when the red light turned green.
"i thought it was a normal shift.." Eddie asked with furrowed eyebrows as he looked at Buck.
"no, that was the plan but me and Bobby both know you're not ready. if it was hard for me to go back to work, it's gonna be 10x harder for you," Buck spoke. it sounded so... calm.
Eddie's breath hitched when they turned on the road of the station and he gripped Bucks hand. Buck locked fingers with Eddie's, feeling his whole body tense up.
the closer the station got, the more his breathing slowed, and when they pulled in, it stopped completely as tears entered his eyes.
Evan looked at him, letting of his hand and getting out of the car, walking over to Eddie's side of the car. Buck opened the door for Eddie, Eddie unbuckled his seatbelt and Buck helped him turn his body to get out. Eddie's eyes never left the entrance of the firehouse and he still never let out a breath.
Evan put a hand on his face, making him look at him, "breathe, baby," Evan whispered, pulling him out of the car.
Eddie shook his head, he physically couldn't remember how. his skin began to turn red.
Eddie's hands slung around, trying to breathe in but he couldn't, and when he finally did, his breaths were fast and labored. he looked up at Buck horrified. Buck put his hands on Eddie's face, pressing there foreheads together.
"focus on me baby, my breaths and just them okay?" Buck whispered, taking a deep breath in, and Eddie let in one and then slowly, they both let one out. Eddie's breath trembled.
they did this a few more times before Eddie calmed down, collapsing into Bucks chest.
"i can't do this," Eddie cried, wrapping his arms around his own body. Buck grabbed the back of his head and kissed the top of his head.
"yes you can, baby, i'm right here," Evan whispered, pulling away. Eddie shook his head no repeatedly. "yes baby, you have too, you have to face it," Buck murmured, wiping Eddie's tears.
