Spinnin

11

We were now in the house and he was quiet as I sucked up to him all in his lap and in his neck as he rubbed up and down my back with his eyes closed I was scared of what was to come when I got home but I was even more scared to lose him.

Especially since what all we've been through he's literally my bsf in bf form.

Gee are you gonna break up with me if I fail before this month is over?

He stayed quiet for a minute giving me time to already choose the answer for him, I feel like I should tell him how I really feel right now but that's got to be some kind of manipulation.

I don't know but ion want to. I don't want a end to come to what we have but I can't creep around wit you through the night I'm too old for that and I care for you too much.

I'm sorry for putting you through this I know you care about me and stuff it's just ion want you to think what people think about you matters . I don't want to put you through something you don't have to go through but I know it'd mean a lot to you to finally meet the people who raised me and that I grew up around. I hope your not disappointed when you finally do.

Why would I be disappointed of your people...they the people who made it possible for me to meet you. If you feel embarrassed of them-

I'm not embarrassed of them because I love them in their many shapes in forms but the love I have for them is distant. I didn't expect you to come in my life and flip it totally around I never knew that what we have could really exist. So this moment is scary for me because of the many times before I've met someone and showed them and they weren't of their likes. I don't want you to feel your not good enough, or that I care what they think about you because I'm gon always stand beside you. I think I'm scared their going to run you away, I've never had something to myself that's truly made me happy the way you do.

Ion want you to ever go away from or for me.

I sniffle a little sighing at the tears that fell down my cheeks at a fast pace as I sat my head all the way up off him as he still held my close kissing my lips and cheeks.

This really hurts you know not knowing the outcome of shit and I was wrong for asking to see his personal papers of his past I was just trying to get the heat off me but at least he knows how I feel now.

I was fighting myself not to say I loved him so bad that my heart started hurting as I poured everything out to him because he really changed my life for the better and I don't see me ever leaving him alone after all is said and done.

I love him so much but when this all over I'll tell him but until than this is not how I should do it, ion want him to feel like he has to stay to make me happy .

I want him to be happy too, no matter how much it hurts me thinking about having to let him go.

It's gon be igh ok?

He mumbled against my head as he covered us with cover wiping my tears away I was clinging to him literally now I felt like it'd never be the same until I got this one thing done.

I mean all he wanted to do was meet my family to let them know he's taking care of me as he should and isn't doing me wrong but I'm just so scared they'll run him away.

I'm sorry for putting you through so much Gee I'm so sorry

You ain do nun wrong. If Ian want you so bad I wouldn't go through this but knowing I want you with me and nobody else is what's keeping me here. We gon start our life together no matter what they say ok? I promise

You never broke a promise to me Gee..

I know that's why I said it..it's gon be our world till we blow