𝘾𝙍𝘼𝙎𝙃𝙄𝙉𝙂 𝙄𝙉𝙏𝙊 𝙔𝙊𝙐 ↣ 𝙊𝙉𝙀 𝘿𝙄𝙍𝙀𝘾𝙏𝙄𝙊𝙉

thirty-five - diana

[we loved like we were trying
to make up for lost time.

every touch,
an apology,

i'm sorry we weren't best friends
in elementary school.]

___________________________________

There was nothing like a storm to mellow heartbreak. I was feeling the crashes and the lightning strikes deep in my stomach. Because it wasn't fair, not in any sense of that word, and the sky seemed to understand it.

Louis and I wanted each other. We loved each other. Unfortunately, SYCO records had other plans for both of us.

I was with Harry. Well, I wasn't, but that's not what the world thought. To them, Harry and I were falling in love. We went on dates, acted like a couple, even kissed. It wasn't real for us, but none of the general public knew that. And it was about them, more than it was about us.

And anyway. It didn't matter. Louis was with Eleanor. In fact, he'd been spending more time at her flat with her than at home with the boys and I.

That had something to do with the fact that we couldn't look at each other. Because when I looked at him for too long, my heart started to ache. My heart started to ask why can't we love him?

My heart had questions that I could not answer. It was my first love, after all.

A terribly tragic first love at that.

I was standing under the glass patio outside. The glass room was noise canceling, air conditioned, and one of the only places I could be without having to look over my shoulder and see Louis.

That is, until he walked in.

He must not have seen me, as he flicked his cigarette butt and stepped inside. He sniffled and wiped his wet face. When he looked around the room again, he saw me stretched out on the floor.

"Mickey?"

There it was again. He didn't call me love anymore.

Not since we said we couldn't love each other.

I was just Mickey to him.

"Sorry, I can go, I-"

"No, it's okay," he said, cutting me off. He sat in a chair a few feet from me. Lightning snapped, illuminating the dark sky above us. A few seconds later, thunder cracked and echoed. "Aren't you scared of thunder storms?"

"Don't you have a girlfriend to be worried about?" I asked tiredly, sighing. Louis was silent for a few seconds, probably shocked by my statement.

"I always knew," Louis said.

"Huh?"

"You know. This. Us. I always knew that if it ended, it would end like this. Not because we wanted it to, but because we had outside obligations."

I scoffed and turned my head to look at him. "You went to Simon and asked him to get you a contract with Eleanor."

Louis sighed, but he was silent.

(remember that later we learn eleanor never really louis' idea, never what he wanted, but it was what he needed to do so mickey wouldn't blow the press thing with harry. keep in mind that she's 16 and she's been part of the industry for only about five months at this point.)

(louis hurt both of them but he was doing it for her. it's always been for her. anyways.)

"If you knew- why would you let me love you?" I asked. I swallowed the lump in my throat. "Why would you do any of that?"